Let Go of Expectations

Nothing creates more unhappiness than failed expectations. The job promotion that doesn’t come through, the proposal of marriage that is postponed one more time, the image of an ideal family that never materializes.

Expectations are an attempt to control the future. An expectation says, “I won’t be happy unless x happens.” Here we must be careful, however. Having no expectations is a familiar way of saying that life is empty and without hope. That is not the goal. Instead, it’s a kind of openness in which anything can happen and be welcomed.

When expectations don’t come true, the result is disappointment. You can enjoy your day more if you approach it without any expectations.

1. You can be more centered. When you are centered, you aren’t so dependent on your circumstances. The ups and downs of everyday events don’t throw you off.

2. You don’t need to dictate in advance what a good day would be. One can never see the whole picture. Room needs to be left for the unexpected. In that way, when the unexpected comes, it upsets nothing.

3. You could let go of outcomes. The only thing any of us can control is our own actions. Outcomes are beyond our control.

4. You could take things less personally. Life comes and goes. The universe gives and it takes away.

Nurturing these attitudes in yourself helps you not to build up expectations. I’m not suggesting that you can totally avoid disappointment. Our minds are stocked with images of things that we identify with happiness, and by expecting those things, we expose ourselves to letdowns.

Your soul doesn’t exist to fill a mental list constructed in the past. Its gifts are unexpected. The happiness it brings is fresh because it comes from outside our expectations.

Adapted from Reinventing The Body, Resurrecting The Soul, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2009).

Read more: Deepak Chopra's Tips, Spirit, expectations

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Mac C.

10:17AM PDT on Oct 27, 2011

Very good article and advice / reminder. I really appreciate your wisdom always. I also enjoyed what Emma S. said about the egg-- good analogy for life.

send a green star

Emma S.

9:55AM PDT on Oct 27, 2011

It really does seem to be a balancing act - not just drifting along aimlessly, but not clutching too desperately at our aims either. When, as a child, I learned to ride I was told that you have to hold the reins with the right degree of contact with the horse's mouth. I was told to imagine I was holding an egg - too loose and the egg gets dropped, too tight and you crack it. I sometimes think that this is good advice for how we hold onto the reins of our lives!

Melissah C.

11:22PM PST on Mar 1, 2011

thanks

Past Member .

12:33PM PST on Feb 1, 2011

To do the very best you can with each day you're dealt is what you're responsible for. Once that's in place, the rest will take care of itself, you have no further control

Rosie L.

11:21AM PST on Feb 1, 2011

Stop expecting and start accepting is my motto!! Thanks for sharing!

Rachael W.

6:01AM PDT on Jul 28, 2010

Don't expect, just trust and all will be well.

Kinga K.

12:53AM PDT on Jun 8, 2010

And it's also better to see later why did something happen in a particular way (that we didn't wanted to happen so at that time) than never.

Vicky L.

8:18PM PDT on Jun 6, 2010

Kelly: "there are many, many things making you more miserable than a failed expectation"
Like what, may I ask?

I'll pass the crackers, thanks, but will have some cheese. With vegies.

Kelly B.

9:38PM PDT on Jun 5, 2010

I expected more from this article but unfortunately that didn't cause me to be unhappy.
Here's my recipe for crackers and cheese.
You get some crackers, and you get some cheese.
If you expected more than that; chances are you were already unhappy.
Look, there are many, many things making you more miserable than a failed expectation. If this is where you were expecting me to write out all those things so you could focus on your miserableness quotient, you are once again unhappy.
Sheesh!
Crackers and cheese. Cheese and crackers.
Get over all this expectation entitlement stuff and enjoy your life of crackers WITH cheese.

Really!

Mary B.

2:53PM PDT on Jun 5, 2010

I think our expectations are very often met, they just don't end up feeling the way we thought they would. Such as, the person or event we project our greatest hopes on to do indeed come into our lives, but end up being nothing like what we assumed they were.