What if Youíre in a Relationship & Attracted to Someone Else?

It doesnít matter how in love you are, how mature you are, or how much you enjoy sex with your partner. Itís pretty common to feel attracted to someone else even if youíre in a happy, healthy relationship.

But when is the attraction natural and harmless, and when is it something more? Ask yourself these questions when you need help deciding what your attraction really means and what to do about it.

Am I happy in my relationship?

Yes: Relax. Your attraction to others is part of the human experience. You donít have to act on it, flaunt it, or fear it. Just put†most of your romantic, flirty energy into the one youíre committed to.

No: Your attraction to others may be a sign that your feelings are changing. Think about why youíre not happy. Then ask yourself if the issue(s) were fixed, would you want to be with your partner? If youíre still into them, work on the stuff thatís making you unhappy. If youíre not sure about the relationship anymore,†read this to see if youíre ready to break up.

Am I sexually satisfied in my relationship?

Yes: If youíre having good sex, yet attracted to others, thereís the possibility that you need more emotional or intellectual fulfillment in your relationship. If youíre not connecting with your partner, try to nurture closeness through common interests and experiences outside the bedroom.

No: If you look at others because you think theyíd fulfill you in bed, remember thereís no guarantee thatís true. If your current relationship is solid except for the sex,†try to work on that together. (Could be a fun assignment.) But, if youíre truly incompatible in the bedroom, ask yourself if the relationship will ever satisfy you sexually. (Because sex is part of a healthy, happy relationship and everyone deserves a partner who satisfies them.)

Am I okay with risking my relationship to hook up with someone else?

Yes: If you feel like cheating,†read this. Then, if youíre really ready to do it with someone else and donít care if your current relationship ends over it, perhaps it is time to break up before you hook up.

No: Okay, so you know you donít want to risk a breakup, but youíre still grappling with an attraction to someone else. Hereís what a bunch of experts advise:†Dear Wendy,†Dear Mariella,†Madame Noire,†Dear Sugar, and†Lovepanky.

Whether you act on an attraction or not, make sure your†birth control is covered. And do make†STI prevention a part of it. Life and relationships can be complex. Birth control doesnít have to be.


Related Articles
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What to Do When You Want Different Things in Bed

Originally published on Bedsider.org.

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Past Member
Past Member 2 months ago

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Emelie H.
Past Member 1 years ago

Thank you for sharing!!

Tanya W.
Tanya W.1 years ago


Tanya W.
Tanya W.1 years ago


Deborah W.
Deborah W.1 years ago

Look but don't touch, that's nature. If it goes beyond that, be honest and save both of you lots of trouble down the pipe.

Maybe through listening and talking a mututal agreement can be reached ... otherwise take a hike and move forward, don't allow yourself get be stuck in place and miserable.

Alicia Colville
Alicia Colville1 years ago

Attraction is human nature. Acting on it is choice and there is always a choice.

sylvia S.
sylvia S.1 years ago

It is a human nature to be attracted to the other people, if the person isn't they are lying... it really depends what you want to do with you attraction? you can keep it attraction and move on with your life... if it becomes more than attraction, check in with your feelings.. it may or may not be real... there may be other things that are missing in your life...

Nicole R.
Nicole R.1 years ago

There's really nothing that says you cant have multiple lovers either. Not everyone has to be monogamous. Do what works for you, there is no relationship rule book.

Tanya Selth
Tanya Selth1 years ago

thanks. good article.