Love and Balance

“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

Sometimes we give up one kind of balance for another. Our work lives take over our personal life, our new families take over our exercise routines, and sometimes our love life can take over it all. Losing our balance over love can be fun- actually that in love, out of control craziness of deep connection can be like a drug, blurring our vision so that the world has a rosy hue and commitments to any thing other than our beloved are hard to keep.

Losing our balance when love disappoints us can be just as confusing. Relationship endings rank as the number one stressor in life for over 60% of a large national survey and for good reason. It isn’t just a partnership that ends, for many people, basic identity and beliefs about family and promises are also shattered. Losing love blurs our vision of our selves and what the world can be. Keeping up with other commitments during this painful life re-construction can make love feel like a disease.

Sustaining a loving relationship requires remarkable balance. Because no one is easy to love all the time, thriving relationships not only demand healthy boundaries which respect each partners individual needs but also the ability to hold what is loveable alongside what is most difficult about the person. Striking this realistic balance in love is daily work and can swing between that rosy in love feeling and darkness descending.

The pendulum swing in relationships can be clocked sometimes in brief moments. Developing the skill to step back and watch your own feelings change is a useful tool to finding balance. On a good day, the witnessing can create enough space to not react immediately and often within hours you are closer to the center again, holding the loveable and difficult side by side.

Lately I have been studying Pilates and building my core pelvic muscles in ways that have deeply changed not just how I live in my body, but also my life. Better even than the end of lifelong back pain, is the emotional stability that has come with my ability to feel strong in my center. Working on the body and getting out of the mind is deeply settling and calming.

Even cooler still is that coming into the center of one’s body is a great way to experience an entirely new balance in intimacy. There is no other single act that both releases tension and restores fullness to the mind, body and spirit with quite the same magnitude as powerful lovemaking. The interesting thing here is that while good love making can restore balance on so many levels in the individual and the couple, it is still not easy to jump into what can feel like being totally out of balance as we abandon reason and surrender.

Wendy Strgar, the owner and founder of Good Clean Love, manufacturer of all natural love and intimacy products. She is a sex educator focusing on “Making Love Sustainable,” a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. She has learned that physical intimacy is an important component of sustaining healthy loving relationships through her own marriage of over 25 years.

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Marian A.
Marian A.2 years ago

Take the middle path

Fi T.
Fi T.2 years ago

Let's treasure what we've got

J.L. A.
JL A.2 years ago

good reminders

Kate S.
Kate S.2 years ago

Everyone has such great advice ... TY.

Serena Stevens
Serena Stevens5 years ago

Thank you! This article is the sound advice and validation of the process I have been going through ever since my normally very attentive husband left me at a critical point in hospital for no other reason than needing to relax himself, leaving me utterly confused about the depth of his concern, compassion and love for me. Fighting cancer and a life threatening infection at the time in an isolation ward it was all too much and I litterally went out of my mind with heartbreak. The road to normality has been 9 years long, this article describes the path I have been on and have doubted at times, for I have questioned what is courage. To stay married, endure the compromise and be thankful for my blessings or be courageous and move on?

Jewel Y.
Jewel Y.6 years ago

everyday let us think that it is our last day in this world. let us give our loved ones a hug and say " i love you" you may not know if this is the last itme we could say this to them.

Jimmy Wee
Jimmy Wee6 years ago

Don't wait until your loved ones are dead to show them you love them at funerals. While we are still alive and kicking, that's the time to tell them you love them. Don't wait a moment longer. Forgive the unforgivable. Love the unlovable. Make time to spend time with your family. Life is unpredictably unpredictable. today is the day to show your love. tomorrow never comes.

Jessica Min
Jessica Min6 years ago

Good idea!