“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
Sometimes we give up one kind of balance for another. Our work lives take over our personal life, our new families take over our exercise routines, and sometimes our love life can take over it all. Losing our balance over love can be fun- actually that in love, out of control craziness of deep connection can be like a drug, blurring our vision so that the world has a rosy hue and commitments to any thing other than our beloved are hard to keep.
Losing our balance when love disappoints us can be just as confusing. Relationship endings rank as the number one stressor in life for over 60% of a large national survey and for good reason. It isn’t just a partnership that ends, for many people, basic identity and beliefs about family and promises are also shattered. Losing love blurs our vision of our selves and what the world can be. Keeping up with other commitments during this painful life re-construction can make love feel like a disease.
Sustaining a loving relationship requires remarkable balance. Because no one is easy to love all the time, thriving relationships not only demand healthy boundaries which respect each partners individual needs but also the ability to hold what is loveable alongside what is most difficult about the person. Striking this realistic balance in love is daily work and can swing between that rosy in love feeling and darkness descending.
The pendulum swing in relationships can be clocked sometimes in brief moments. Developing the skill to step back and watch your own feelings change is a useful tool to finding balance. On a good day, the witnessing can create enough space to not react immediately and often within hours you are closer to the center again, holding the loveable and difficult side by side.
Lately I have been studying Pilates and building my core pelvic muscles in ways that have deeply changed not just how I live in my body, but also my life. Better even than the end of lifelong back pain, is the emotional stability that has come with my ability to feel strong in my center. Working on the body and getting out of the mind is deeply settling and calming.
Even cooler still is that coming into the center of one’s body is a great way to experience an entirely new balance in intimacy. There is no other single act that both releases tension and restores fullness to the mind, body and spirit with quite the same magnitude as powerful lovemaking. The interesting thing here is that while good love making can restore balance on so many levels in the individual and the couple, it is still not easy to jump into what can feel like being totally out of balance as we abandon reason and surrender.
Wendy Strgar, the owner and founder of Good Clean Love, manufacturer of all natural love and intimacy products. She is a sex educator focusing on “Making Love Sustainable,” a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. She has learned that physical intimacy is an important component of sustaining healthy loving relationships through her own marriage of over 25 years.