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Love, Shame, and Self-Worth

Love, Shame, and Self-Worth

Clearly Jeanne desperately wants her husband to say “I love you” at times, yet she forces herself not to ask. She therefore pushes herself further into self-doubt, by forbidding herself to ask for what she wants.

This self-denial is a result of shame, an emotion closely connected to deservedness. You need to realize that asking to be loved is not only not shameful, it’s exactly what one should do to get love. Shame tells us that love is a small, precious commodity that we have to beg for. But love is abundant, and asking for it only reflects that you already perceive it to be yours.

Whenever Alan says that he loves her, Jeanne also needs to trust his assurance, and if this proves difficult, she should resist the temptation to ask for more reassurance on the spot – it will be more productive to work on how she can learn to trust.

Here the story comes to a parting between psychology and spirituality. In psychological terms Jeanne’s lack of self-worth is abound up in dark memories from her past. As a small girl she was imprinted with experiences that told her she wasn’t good enough – we all have similarly painful memories. Years later these were transferred to looks, age, and sexual desirability.

Jeanne would never accept herself as long as she was attracted to men who she believed were more desirable that she, because any comparison would put her in the shade. Being with Alan was a “solution” born out of past conditioning that had to fall away.

“I think it’s a good idea for you to work through personal issues,” I told Jeanne, “but lasting a solution to whether you are deserving or not will only come spiritually.

The spiritual answer to any problem is immediate. It’s our own perception that is slow to catch on. God’s ability to love us is limited only by our ability to receive that love here and now.

Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).

Read more: Deepak Chopra's Tips, Spirit, , , ,

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Deepak Chopra

Acknowledged as one of the world's greatest leaders in the field of mind body medicine, Deepak Chopra, M.D. continues to transform our understanding of the meaning of health. Chopra is known as a prolific author of over 49 books with 12 best sellers on mind-body health, quantum mechanics, spirituality, and peace. A global force in the field of human empowerment, Dr. Chopra's books have been published in more than 35 languages with more than 20 million copies in print.


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9:21PM PDT on Mar 29, 2010

I believe to key to Love is, Knowing that you are Love itself, to share is to feel it.
To feel it, is to grasp it.
To grasp it, is to be it.
So just, Be it.
Hence the circle is complete.

1:15AM PDT on Mar 25, 2010

Your work is inspirational; your writings remind me of great spiritual teachers, Gandhi and Kahlil Gibran. God bless you for sharing the fruits of the spirit so generously!

10:42PM PDT on Mar 16, 2010

This is similar to something my Science of Mind friends tell me--you ask the Universe for what you want and you don't change your mind.

9:34AM PDT on Mar 15, 2010

Excellent article. Thank you.

12:23PM PST on Mar 13, 2010

I like Deepak's articles.

12:20PM PST on Mar 13, 2010

Thank you, Deepak! Your words always give peace.

5:23PM PST on Mar 12, 2010

All in divine order...everything that is happening is perfect at the moment. Iit is just we who judge it to be good, bad or neutral. Life is always good.

3:41PM PST on Mar 11, 2010

thanks for the article. It's very useful

1:38AM PST on Mar 11, 2010

Eileen P "and God loves everyone.......even the terrorists (a hard one for me to truly understand.)"

Your above words put a smile on my lips. LOL. Plse remember the ones you call "TERRORISTS" are just people's views and opinions nothing else. In GOD'S view and opinion, the very same person u call a "TERRORIST" may not be a "TERRORIST" in REALITY and the very same "TERRORIST" as u call him maybe truely loved by GOD in everyway. Who knows BEST GOD OR us Humans???? That is why it is the safest NOT TO JUDGE for we know not REALITY. REALITY is ONLY KNOWN to GOD and no-one else. Hope that helped u realize how little we humans truely KNOW.

10:01PM PST on Mar 10, 2010

50 and finally realize I don't need a man in my life to make me feel worthwhile

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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