If you want to feel love as God feels it, you must fill all your voids, for God can only love from the state of fullness. To be a perfect lover would mean to have no secret weakness or wound you want someone else to fix for you.
Searching out your own voids is your first step, filling them with Being or essence is the second. This process is usually called learning to love yourself, but we must be careful with that term. Too often it is synonymous with learning to love your self-image. Self-image is simply ego; it is denial papering over the void of lack.
If you honestly look at your past, which is now stored as thousands of memories inside you, you will always find a mixed bag–some experiences may have aroused love of self or others, many did not.
Memories of shame, guilt, rejection, hatred, resentment, and other unloving feelings cannot be converted to love. These images are what they are. Accept them and move to a higher sense of Self, which is unconnected with memory.
Memory can only lock you into a suffocating sense of your personal past. Beyond memory is the quiet experience of Being, simple awareness without content. This is the region of love, the region of yourself entered through meditation.
Many kinds of mediation exist; their tradition in both East and West is guided by the principle that you have a core Being or essence that can be entered. Access comes not by thinking or feeling. Rather, to meditate is to go directly to the silent region within.
Adapted from Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 1995).