Ask the Loveologist: Exploring Adult Content
My boyfriend has been asking me to watch some pornographic films with him. He says they are entertaining and could give us some new ideas. I have only seen short scenes of mostly genitals and it really does nothing for me. There are so many movies out there, how can you possibly know which ones are worth watching? Any good sites that provide reliable reviews?
You are right that the sheer volume of films being released every year can be overwhelming; some estimate there are 11,000 new releases per year. Many films are produced with very little budget and several online sites have free-streaming videos to choose from. More than 15 percent of all web traffic is porn related so you don’t have to look far. Most of these free films have no story line or intrigue to speak of; they are just filmed voyeurism of sexual acts and close-up shots of sexual organs. That said, there is also an amazing amount of variety and niche film production, so if you approach your search with a little bit of patience and intelligent consumerism, you can probably find something that works for you and your partner. Keep in mind, when it comes to this genre of entertainment, finding a film with a just a few interesting scenes should be considered a win.
First, consider what kind of sex you want to see, because the industry is categorized by sexual orientation and type of sexual acts being performed, although increasingly most films show some or all kinds of penetration. Except for bi-sexual orientation films, porn films rarely mix up the couple gender orientation. Back in the 1970′s and 1980′s pornographic films had more plot and sequence. The vast majority of adult movies involve penetration (vaginal, anal, or both), oral sex, and a small amount of what might be considered foreplay.
The well-known “Behind the Green Door” starring the late Marilyn Chambers, is a good example of a story that could take months to watch. One way to rate the value of a erotica is how many scenes it takes you to turn it off. Classic old pornography like “Deep Throat” opened America up to illicit material in the 70′s and woke up the fantasy mechanism of the nation. Films that have storylines that stay with you long after you turn the film off, once defined this film category.
Most of the pornographic production today would not be memorable in this way the day after you watch it. In some ways, this cut to the act without any foreplay or storyline reflects our cultural treatment of sexuality, which is damaging for many relationships.
Candace Royalle, former porn star, was the first woman to make films for women from a woman’s perspective. Her company Femme Productions offers a wide range of storyline films to consider.
Another way to investigate sexuality through film is to consider an educational pursuit. Mark Schoen, a film director for more than 30 years has compiled the most exhaustive collection of instructional films ever made. The range of films available at www.sexsmartfilms.com include some of the oldest sex education films, rare footage of orgasmic potential and step-by-step sexual therapy exercises that help you learn to be focused in your body. Some of the free material provides a glimpse into other culture’s views on sexuality, which is a helpful reflection on one’s own sexual practices.
I think the best way to approach the viewing of explicit material is as an education, which allows you to widen your frame of reference about human sexuality in general and helps you discover more of your relationship. Keep the remote nearby and use it to pause and talk about what you see or feel free to fast-forward. Erotica has helped many a couple to open up their conversation about their sexuality and provide some new ideas and techniques to their sexual practice. Choosing films that can enhance your comfort and understanding of this most mysterious form of human behavior can both enlighten and inspire relationships.