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Loving Without Control
Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).
The key stances of letting go of control are all forms of allowing: Acceptance, tolerance, non-resistance. When control is ready to loosen its grip, a definite relaxation takes place. The façade of the demanding, critical partner who is so quick to blame begins to melt. You start to feel love once more, not as an idea but as a sensation in your heart. And at last you find it possible to allow.
When this stage is reached with the beloved, the healing process begins to branch out into other aspects of your life. The following changes will often be in evidence:
• You stop measuring people by whether they live up to your expectations. You begin to resist the urge to correct their mistakes and give unwanted advice.
• You lessen your habit of taking care of others without really caring for them.
• You become tired of trying to keep track of every detail of your life and bored with people who have always given in to you.
• You begin to listen to objections and disagreements instead of using them to trigger your own opinion.
• Unexpected emotions come to the surface. This usually arouses self-criticism because you can’t control your feelings anymore as you once did. At another level, however, this eruption of emotions comes as a great relief.
• Your impatience begins to lessen.
• You take stress seriously, no longer believing that you thrive on it.
• You begin to listen to your body, which has all along been giving you signals of tightness, fatigue, etc.
• Your mind gives up calculating every move in advance.
• You stop holding grudges and remembering slights. Resentment begins to be replaced by tolerance.
• You quit setting external goals for yourself and believing that achieving these goals faster, better, and more tirelessly makes you a good person.
How can you love without need? Know the difference between ego and spirit.
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9 comments
add your comment »I get the rest, except for this one - You quit setting external goals for yourself and believing that achieving these goals faster, better, and more tirelessly makes you a good person - I know that setting and achieving goals does not make me good or bad. But I want to 'maximize' my time here on earth along with my talents and gifts. How do I do that without setting goals? I don't want to drift, waste time, proscrastinate, etc. Suggestions? Very good article, btw.
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I'm confused on this one - • You quit setting external goals for yourself and believing that achieving these goals faster, better, and more tirelessly makes you a good person -
How do you experience your true self/value if you do not set goals? I know that I'm not just 'what I've achieved'. But I do want to 'maximize' my potential here on earth and not waste my gifts and talents. How do you do that without setting goals?
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I was controlling about my self not other people...strange...not trusing my self or what I believed in my own heart to be true. What Subramaniam says about letting go and let your inner heart core take over, I find very good....that also takes courage to trust ones own inner voice and heart.
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When you feel you must exert control over someone else, you are not trusting that person nor showing due respect. Control-ling others will stress you out. Try to let go and let each assume her/his own responsibilities.
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Letting go is hard to do...but I see some light....keeping the company of good people and being inspired by bright minds, loving people, genuine leaders and good teachers. I am sure that I am on the right path. :-)
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Let go and simply let your heart -inner core-take over.This is just the right course of action as Deepak suggests to look at your true self and rejoice over what you see.The revealing of the true self at a stage of near detachment gives the key to liberation and opening the door to bliss requires sadhana or practice with consciousness about the desired objective of lightness of body,mind and soul.
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All of this resonates with me, but the only thing that surprises is that my mind can (perhaps) give up calculating every move in advance...for me, I had to lose all control before this became a possibility.
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I've read this book and highly reccomend it. This is just one great example of what we need to attain inner peace. Blessings to all.
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I used to control a lot...it possibly was something I used as a survival tatic to deal with bad situations in childhood and became a habit ...I thought being IN CONTROL....this was very sapping up my energy and when I finally had to let it drop..the real issues became apparent....what was behind it.....FEAR
so dealing with this has helped me to regain my sense of self worth and the fear is becoming less and less..so there is no need to control...
Also being among good friends is very important...and freeing up energy to move on to other levels of love and trust inward and outward.
Thank you Deepak for this healing message.
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