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Non-Monogamy: Do Open Relationships Work?

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So, then, what threatens monogamy? Certainly divorce, but what causes divorce? Lots of things, but the thing that I am concerned with most is–you guessed it–sex. More than anything else, sex with other people seems to violate the contract of marriage, and, in turn, monogamy. Sure, people still associate monogamy with marriage, but most people nowadays associate monogamy (or open relationships) with sex. And the majority of people also throw in love. If you love someone, you don’t have sex with someone else. If you are married, you don’t have sex with someone else. If you are monogamous, you don’t have sex with someone else. So, bottom line–love, sex, and marriage are all implicated in monogamy.

Look, I’m old-fashioned; I’m okay with it and not hiding it at all. I want the lifetime partner, “the one,” the soul mate. I want the house. I want the dogs. I want the kids. If I had a white picket fence–well as long as it doesn’t enclose a yard in the suburbs–I would smile every time I looked out my window.

But I am not an idiot. I am not waiting for the knight in shining armor to save me so we can ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. I know marriage takes work. It takes mind numbing, backbreaking work. Marriage is only a few words. It’s a promise that you won’t go anywhere, and you can’t. No matter what happens, you have to stick around. Well, that’s what it means to me.

Maybe not everyone is as old fashioned as me, and maybe there are many people who don’t want to get married, but I bet every person in the world who was offered a chance at true love would take it in a heartbeat and never let go. So why have some people given up on the possibility of being with one person forever, or at least at a time? Do we really believe monogamy is dead? Or impossible? Or is there something else going on here?

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915 comments

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8:11AM PDT on Jun 24, 2015

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8:57AM PDT on May 24, 2015

Thank you.

12:18PM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

This author has a fairy tale/Hollywood idea of what love is, and a very "icky-poo" type of ignorance about what non-monogamy is about. Think monogamous relationships take "work"? My non-monogamous relationships take a hell of a lot more work, honesty and open-ness than shackling myself to a single partner would. Also, it's not "all about sex" for every non-monogamous person. Monogamy does not work, the divorce and "cheating" statistics bear that out. Non-monogamy works, provided the right people get together, it's consensual from all sides, and there's open-ness and honesty (and no issues like jealousy or silly illusions like the author seems to have). And yes, it's worked for many years, it's real, it's about love and not just screwing, and it's absolutely beautiful.

11:46AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:46AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:45AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:45AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

10:54AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

The author lost all credibility with their opening line: "Non-monogamy is about one thing–sex."

Obviously, that is projection and what non-monogamy is about for the author. The fact that the author is sex driven, sex obsessed and has issues with possessiveness and insecurity colors the article quite subtly, yet unfortunately I would rather read an article which understands non-monogamy from more than one perspective.

Since life and love after all, are all about this multitude of perspectives and realizing that reality does not revolve around just YOU.

12:56PM PDT on Mar 30, 2015

Thank you.

10:43PM PST on Mar 3, 2015

I feel very lucky and blessed that Priest Andrew was able to turn our marriage around like this with his spell. My husband used to spend as much time as he could away from home with other women. Since he cast the love spell on him, My husband is now so in love with me and its so funny that my husband had not go out for weeks now. His contact is priestandrew91@yahoo.com if you ever need his help.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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