START A PETITION 27,000,000 members: the world's largest community for good
START A PETITION
x

Non-Monogamy: Do Open Relationships Work?

  • 3 of 5

Our culture believes in love. Sure, people are getting divorced left and right, but we still believe in love. Love is in our stories, and our dreams. Love is in song and prose, in our poetry and art. It makes people feel more intense feelings than anything else does in this world, barring the feeling when you lose someone. But even when you lose someone, the reason you hurt so much is because you loved him. Love is still the reason. Love is the reason for reasons.

So, again, San Francisco. A lot of people here try and fail at open relationships, just like they do in monogamous relationships. Some succeed. I hear stories all the time. One couple has been together ten years, and open in the last three years. Some couples break up and get back together over and over again. I know a woman who has two kids with her partner, and gets her “night out” every two weeks so she can hook up. I know a couple where the woman is permitted to sleep with other women, not men, just because they see that as something totally unrelated to their marriage. I know another woman who is in a relationship of over ten years, who talks longingly about the time her and her partner had their husband living with them. Apparently, they took him home one night, and he didn’t leave for two years. The three of them slept in a king size bed together.

But no matter what I hear, I still don’t see that any of them are actually happier than couples in monogamous relationships. And I don’t see them staying together longer than their monogamous counterparts. And even if a true-love-non-monogamy thing was possible, why would we even want it? If we see and believe the connection between sex and emotions and love, why would we want to toss it around so casually?

Again, love, people. We are obsessed with it. It’s everywhere, all the time. Everyone wants it. Love is beautiful, all we need is love, (insert the millions of sayings about love here), love is a much splendored thing. Not even death can stop true love, Wesley says in the classic and hilarious The Princess Bride. Death can only delay it. It is the only reason Wesley lives, and the only reason he is brought back from the dead. Love transcends everything. Even the Christians agree–God is love.

  • 3 of 5

Read more: Health, Love, Relationships, Sex, , ,

have you shared this story yet?

go ahead, give it a little love

DivineCaroline

At DivineCaroline.com, women come together to learn from experts in the fields, of health, sustainability, and culture; to reflect on shared experiences; and to express themselves by writing and publishing stories about anything that matters to them. Here, real women publish like real pros. Together, with our staff writers, they’re discussing all facets of women’s lives from relationships and careers, to travel and healthy living. So come discover, read, learn, laugh and connect at DivineCaroline.com.

916 comments

+ add your own
10:24AM PDT on Aug 20, 2015

The article started out well written, but quickly was transparent in it's bias. It could have explored both sides a little better and lead to a reader's conclusion. Instead the title should have probably been "Non-Monogamy: Why Open Relationships Do Not Work."

The end it just seemed to desperately try to beat a dead horse and really try to lead the read to their pre-conceived opinion on the subject.

She also seemed to falsely link certain things to each other, holding them constant. Even if that were true it doesn't make everything she said true, but consider the fact that those things aren't always held constant. You can have sex with someone you don't love and you can have a threesome with someone you love and someone random. Just one example but there are many!

-Nat

8:11AM PDT on Jun 24, 2015

Awesome article. I enjoy reading it. And also, everyone here at some time need a dating websites, so I think You made the great choice when You wrote about this. Also, I found this website where YOu can find review for other herpes dating websites. Hope this helped you http://www.herpesdatingsites.biz/

8:57AM PDT on May 24, 2015

Thank you.

12:18PM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

This author has a fairy tale/Hollywood idea of what love is, and a very "icky-poo" type of ignorance about what non-monogamy is about. Think monogamous relationships take "work"? My non-monogamous relationships take a hell of a lot more work, honesty and open-ness than shackling myself to a single partner would. Also, it's not "all about sex" for every non-monogamous person. Monogamy does not work, the divorce and "cheating" statistics bear that out. Non-monogamy works, provided the right people get together, it's consensual from all sides, and there's open-ness and honesty (and no issues like jealousy or silly illusions like the author seems to have). And yes, it's worked for many years, it's real, it's about love and not just screwing, and it's absolutely beautiful.

11:46AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:46AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:45AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:45AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

10:54AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

The author lost all credibility with their opening line: "Non-monogamy is about one thing–sex."

Obviously, that is projection and what non-monogamy is about for the author. The fact that the author is sex driven, sex obsessed and has issues with possessiveness and insecurity colors the article quite subtly, yet unfortunately I would rather read an article which understands non-monogamy from more than one perspective.

Since life and love after all, are all about this multitude of perspectives and realizing that reality does not revolve around just YOU.

12:56PM PDT on Mar 30, 2015

Thank you.

add your comment



Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

people are talking

Thank you for sharing.

It's nice to be vegan

Interesting. TYFS.

CONTACT THE EDITORS



Select names from your address book   |   Help
   

We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.

site feedback

ONSITE FEEDBACK FORM

Problem on this page? Briefly let us know what isn't working for you and we'll try to make it right!