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Non-Monogamy: Do Open Relationships Work?

  • 4 of 5

So, to sum up so far. Sex=emotions=love=beauty=the only reason=transcendence. But that line started with sex, and though sex can make you feel hella transcendent, it isn’t transcendence itself. If love is protected and respected for the amazing and beautiful thing it is, then we need to honor that, and doing Susie in the bathroom at Ruby Sky with Donna at home watching CSI is not honoring love. It is belittling it. It is diminishing it. It’s not cool.

But there are firm believers in open relationships. They say it keeps things fresh. They say it is realistic. They say it is honest and practical. They say they don’t believe in monogamy, and as long as you are honest with your partner, open relationships work. They say a million different things, but just about all of them say this: being non-monogamous is what keeps them together. This implies that without the joy of screwing other people, they would not be together. Basically, they are saying that they would leave each other if they couldn’t have sex with other people. If staying together is marriage=love, then how could having sex with other people truly contribute to its sanctity?

Oh Amy, when I was getting dirty with Trish the other night, I couldn’t help but think of our two-year anniversary party. Oh Michael, when you were at Scott’s party giving Ben a doozy last weekend, I was just home thinking how great thing are going between us. Baby, when I was fooling around with Carla the other night, she started sighing just like you! Darling! I love you so much. Please use a condom, I am not so sure that I didn’t catch Rob’s Herpes. Sorry I’m so tired, Sweetie, that three-way last night really wore me out. We’ll talk about the vacation tomorrow.

How does this honor love and commitment to each other? If your life is dotted with random sexual partners while building a solid relationship, then what is your relationship really about? Is it precious? Is it fulfilling? Is it beautiful? Is it real?

  • 4 of 5

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916 comments

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10:24AM PDT on Aug 20, 2015

The article started out well written, but quickly was transparent in it's bias. It could have explored both sides a little better and lead to a reader's conclusion. Instead the title should have probably been "Non-Monogamy: Why Open Relationships Do Not Work."

The end it just seemed to desperately try to beat a dead horse and really try to lead the read to their pre-conceived opinion on the subject.

She also seemed to falsely link certain things to each other, holding them constant. Even if that were true it doesn't make everything she said true, but consider the fact that those things aren't always held constant. You can have sex with someone you don't love and you can have a threesome with someone you love and someone random. Just one example but there are many!

-Nat

8:11AM PDT on Jun 24, 2015

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8:57AM PDT on May 24, 2015

Thank you.

12:18PM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

This author has a fairy tale/Hollywood idea of what love is, and a very "icky-poo" type of ignorance about what non-monogamy is about. Think monogamous relationships take "work"? My non-monogamous relationships take a hell of a lot more work, honesty and open-ness than shackling myself to a single partner would. Also, it's not "all about sex" for every non-monogamous person. Monogamy does not work, the divorce and "cheating" statistics bear that out. Non-monogamy works, provided the right people get together, it's consensual from all sides, and there's open-ness and honesty (and no issues like jealousy or silly illusions like the author seems to have). And yes, it's worked for many years, it's real, it's about love and not just screwing, and it's absolutely beautiful.

11:46AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:46AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:45AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

11:45AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

I also can't imagine the author getting paid for this aritcle; it's not an article about non-monogamy, it's a lost and confused person making a ton of illogical causal arguments to lead to erroneous conclusions. Such as her delusional equation that sex = love. This is not true!

Someone in the comments (Abby H.) said "why so defensive?..why attack her viewpoint?" I'll tell you why: She is misprepresenting ME as a non-monogamous person. She is building a "paper tiger" of false statements and illogic to then triumph over. Just about 75% of the crap she says about how love equals sex or that non monogamy is what keeps relationships together and the way she ATTACKS it with statements like:


“Non monogamy is about one thing - sex.” - Completely missing the point. Sex is the thing insecure little girls focus on because they are worried about sharing (and losing) something good if they find it. Sex for someone who is practicing LOVE is simply a way to express love. Like a kiss, a hug, praise, a backrub, a poem, attention and focus. Sex is attention and focus on mutual/personal/partner(s) pleasure. Sex can also be on the other end of the spectrum simply a way to pass your DNA on to the future. Sex is what you make it; the author of this article has made it (or rather has subscribed to the predominate culture’s stance) as a taboo, something both precious and sacred yet also profane. (“...getting dirty…”, “...Rob’s Herpes..” ←- T

10:54AM PDT on Apr 4, 2015

The author lost all credibility with their opening line: "Non-monogamy is about one thing–sex."

Obviously, that is projection and what non-monogamy is about for the author. The fact that the author is sex driven, sex obsessed and has issues with possessiveness and insecurity colors the article quite subtly, yet unfortunately I would rather read an article which understands non-monogamy from more than one perspective.

Since life and love after all, are all about this multitude of perspectives and realizing that reality does not revolve around just YOU.

12:56PM PDT on Mar 30, 2015

Thank you.

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