Shakespeare had it right. In ways both big and small, the failure to forgive kills love and murders beauty. An unforgiving attitude makes life far less loving and beautiful than it could be. Move from blame to forgiveness, and hereís how:
It is much more satisfying to experience your feelings than to blame them on somebody else. You can move through your feelings–even bad ones–to real connection with yourself and others. And because of this you can learn to:
1. become a good friend and a Kind Father (or mother) to myself;
2. give myself encouragement and support, instead of habitual criticism;
3. pay attention to my feelings and identify what it is that Iím feeling;
4. experience my feelings fully, mourning fully;
5. share my heart experience with others and experience the connection of listening to their experience.
Learning to do this will help you become more forgiving. You donít have to get angry and blame others to escape your feelings–because now youíll welcome your feelings. In short, establishing a relationship with yourself will help free you from the blaming lifestyle.
The dictionary defines forgiveness: ďTo stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offence, flaw or mistake.Ē
Experts tell us that forgiveness is:
1. Letting go of a negative attachment to the past.
2. Letting go of the intense emotions tied to the past event–recognizing I no longer need to hold onto grudges, resentments, hatred and self pity.
3. Recognizing people are different, want and need different things and sometimes hurt each other.
4. No longer blaming the other person for my feelings.
5. No longer wanting to punish, realizing that punishing another will not heal me.
6. Moving on. Freeing my energy, and putting it to better use.
Adapted from Becoming the Kind Father, by Calvin Sandborn (New Society Publishers, 2007). Copyright (c) 2007 by Calvin Sandborn. Reprinted by permission of New Society Publishers.
Adapted from Becoming the Kind Father, by Calvin Sandborn (New Society Publishers, 2007).