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My Masturbation Story

My Masturbation Story

By Dr. Martha Tara Lee for

I first masturbated when I was four or five years old. It was definitely before I entered primary school and so this is how I remembered when it happened.

My sister, who is one year younger, was the one who taught me how to masturbate. So if I was five, she was four. If I was four, she was three.

My sister came to me, and she said in Mandarin (paraphrasing from memory): “Hey Sis, I know if you did something you’d feel good.”

I asked: “What?”

She revealed: “If you take the bolster (a long pillow), you put it between your legs, and squeeze your thighs, and kind-of snake your legs around the bolster, and lock them in your ankles. Next you squeeze really hard, and then you rub your privates (she really meant clitoris) against the bolster. You have to rub really hard. You will feel good at some point.”

I was like… “What are you talking about?”

I tried it, and I didn’t feel anything besides pain in my ankles and frustrated. I went back to her: “You must be lying. Nothing happened. You show me!”

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My sister demonstrated the moves to me.

I admitted, “That’s what I did. I still didn’t feel anything!”

My sister ordered: “No, no, no. You don’t give up. Just keep trying. Even when you’re tired, you just keep going.”

As a kid, the thought of even giving up was not an option because if my sister could figure out something, then surely I could too because I’m one year older than her. There was definitely a competitive element going on as kid.

I went back to my room (and bolster) kept trying and trying until I did feel something good. I experienced my first orgasm.

I didn’t know it was called the orgasm. I didn’t know what we were doing was masturbation. I didn’t know we were rubbing on the clitoris. I did not know any of these terms. But I knew it felt good.

More from YourTango: 4 Reasons Why Women Should Masturbate More Often

After some weeks, I began to become curious, even a tad worried, if what we were doing was dangerous because after all, I was still a kid. I don’t know whether this heart-beating and this flushing of blood within my body was good for me. I decided to ask my mom.

I planned it so I caught her at the right time. She was lying on the sofa watching TV, and then I lay on the floor next to her. She was just above me.

I asked her during a commercial break: “Hey mom. I want to show you something my sister taught me. I don’t know how to explain it. I need to show it to you.”

She nodded and I proceeded to demonstrate our unique masturbation technique to my mom.

To her credit, she said, “Oh that. It’s okay. It’s normal.”

Because of that one sentence, I felt relieved that it’s okay to feel pleasure and to continue masturbating.

She didn’t smack me on the head. She didn’t tell me to stop because I think if she had, I probably would have not knowing any better.

More from YourTango: Does Masturbation Count As Sex?

I’m sharing this story even though it is very personal because I want to help normalize masturbation. I don’t want you to think that because I’ve been masturbating since I was four or five, I’m over sexualized, and that’s why I became a sexologist.

No, I have just as little or as much sex education than a lot of my clients. The saving grace was that I caught up in the last seven years of my life, running my practice for the last five, and then having my training, the last two.

Masturbation has helped me to be a more empowered person even when I had no names for the act, no names for my body parts.

Learning about our bodies is a good thing. The more comfortable we are with our bodies and with our sexuality, the more we can learn and share it with our partners later on.

Subscribe to my three free videos I am releasing as part of Masturbation Month here!

Dr Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical†counseling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia and beyond. For more, visit

This article originally appeared on†My Masturbation Story: I Got It Figured When I Was Five!.

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5:04AM PDT on Mar 31, 2015

Thank you for sharing your masturbation story.
I remember my first aswell, and Think I was about 6 or 7 years, and I cannabis remember how good Italien felt, but my first orgasm I had a few years later, around 9 I Think I was. And it was very relaxing and such a special moment everytime I decided to close the door to my girlroom and had my moments, maybe my mom understood what I was doing but she didnt say anything and neither did I , until many years later. :)

6:00AM PDT on Mar 25, 2015

You won't grow hair on your palms either! LOL

12:52PM PDT on Mar 24, 2015

Live long and prosper!

1:46AM PDT on Mar 23, 2015

This " Dr. Lee " I just found out is actually a 54 year-old cross-dresser from Texas! who is working as a truck-driver in order to pay for sex-change surgery in Mexico! god now I understand.........the sub-text of his/her article..........

7:30AM PDT on Mar 19, 2015

masturbation can be a way of discovering our sexuality, there is nothing wrong

4:51AM PDT on Mar 19, 2015

Some things are best kept quiet, isn't anything private any more?

11:04AM PDT on Mar 18, 2015

This surprised me, I did not know girls could do this so young!!

6:41PM PDT on Mar 17, 2015

I was a late bloomer, I didn't start masturbating until I was 9. Somehow I knew I shouldn't tell my mother about it. Maybe because of Toilet Training giving a feeling those parts were "dirty". I didn't know there was a name for it. I just started "naturally", like when you itch somewhere you naturally scratch, without thinking about it. Lots of kids start that way.
No, it doesn't take a Pedophile "grooming" a kid - Freud himself said that kids were naturally sexual. And other cultures have realized this forever.
My sister and I slept in twin beds in the same room - I knew she "did it", because I could hear the bed moving. But we NEVER talked about it - not to this day! Again, I guess we had been made "ashamed" thru Toilet Training, tho not directly...
Then my mother gave me a Sex Education book. This book said that Masturbation was normal if you didn't do it "too often". First this made me wonder what "Masturbation" was. The dictionary was no help! I sortof figured it out... then I wondered how often was "too often". The book didn't give a clue! So I tried to do it "less"... with no success. Finally I just decided to not worry about it at all! I never worried until I got that Sex Ed book... I still knew, somehow, it was something to hide and not mention...

5:20PM PDT on Mar 16, 2015

Yes, good exercise and good for stress relief and health. And denigration could lead to other less positive sublimations. Repression of sexual urges can be dangerous.

10:17PM PDT on Mar 12, 2015

interesting...never thought a child that young would learn this, and keep trying till she got it right.

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i can't believe this. I wonder if my cats would use it.


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