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My Masturbation Story

My Masturbation Story

By Dr. Martha Tara Lee for YourTango.com.

I first masturbated when I was four or five years old. It was definitely before I entered primary school and so this is how I remembered when it happened.

My sister, who is one year younger, was the one who taught me how to masturbate. So if I was five, she was four. If I was four, she was three.

My sister came to me, and she said in Mandarin (paraphrasing from memory): “Hey Sis, I know if you did something you’d feel good.”

I asked: “What?”

She revealed: “If you take the bolster (a long pillow), you put it between your legs, and squeeze your thighs, and kind-of snake your legs around the bolster, and lock them in your ankles. Next you squeeze really hard, and then you rub your privates (she really meant clitoris) against the bolster. You have to rub really hard. You will feel good at some point.”

I was like… “What are you talking about?”

I tried it, and I didn’t feel anything besides pain in my ankles and frustrated. I went back to her: “You must be lying. Nothing happened. You show me!”

More from YourTango: When Partner’s Sex Drive Varies, Masturbation Saves the Day

My sister demonstrated the moves to me.

I admitted, “That’s what I did. I still didn’t feel anything!”

My sister ordered: “No, no, no. You don’t give up. Just keep trying. Even when you’re tired, you just keep going.”

As a kid, the thought of even giving up was not an option because if my sister could figure out something, then surely I could too because I’m one year older than her. There was definitely a competitive element going on as kid.

I went back to my room (and bolster) kept trying and trying until I did feel something good. I experienced my first orgasm.

I didn’t know it was called the orgasm. I didn’t know what we were doing was masturbation. I didn’t know we were rubbing on the clitoris. I did not know any of these terms. But I knew it felt good.

More from YourTango: 4 Reasons Why Women Should Masturbate More Often

After some weeks, I began to become curious, even a tad worried, if what we were doing was dangerous because after all, I was still a kid. I don’t know whether this heart-beating and this flushing of blood within my body was good for me. I decided to ask my mom.

I planned it so I caught her at the right time. She was lying on the sofa watching TV, and then I lay on the floor next to her. She was just above me.

I asked her during a commercial break: “Hey mom. I want to show you something my sister taught me. I don’t know how to explain it. I need to show it to you.”

She nodded and I proceeded to demonstrate our unique masturbation technique to my mom.

To her credit, she said, “Oh that. It’s okay. It’s normal.”

Because of that one sentence, I felt relieved that it’s okay to feel pleasure and to continue masturbating.

She didn’t smack me on the head. She didn’t tell me to stop because I think if she had, I probably would have not knowing any better.

More from YourTango: Does Masturbation Count As Sex?

I’m sharing this story even though it is very personal because I want to help normalize masturbation. I don’t want you to think that because I’ve been masturbating since I was four or five, I’m over sexualized, and that’s why I became a sexologist.

No, I have just as little or as much sex education than a lot of my clients. The saving grace was that I caught up in the last seven years of my life, running my practice for the last five, and then having my training, the last two.

Masturbation has helped me to be a more empowered person even when I had no names for the act, no names for my body parts.

Learning about our bodies is a good thing. The more comfortable we are with our bodies and with our sexuality, the more we can learn and share it with our partners later on.

Subscribe to my three free videos I am releasing as part of Masturbation Month here!

Dr Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical†counseling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia and beyond. For more, visit www.ErosCoaching.com.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com:†My Masturbation Story: I Got It Figured When I Was Five!.

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171 comments

+ add your own
8:04AM PDT on Apr 24, 2015

Holy crap, you had a great mother. I had to deal with Catholic parents, horrible guilt, painful nightmares and debilitating shame until I came to the conclusion that they were full of shit. To borrow from Monty Python, not every sperm is sacred. Sure the Bible has a passage that says you shouldn't spill your seed on the ground. But it has a lot of other really screwed up stuff in there as well. All the time, energy, self hate, self-loathing, etc.. I've spent in my life regarding the bullshit I was taught is incredible. Just for something that is natural and common in every other mammalian species.
Thanks for the article. Well done.
We need more people like you everywhere. We'd have a lot less violence and wars if people were sexually healthy.

1:23PM PDT on Apr 23, 2015

Alrighty.

9:20PM PDT on Apr 20, 2015

Dr Lee, I got something much better then masturbating for you...

7:01PM PDT on Apr 20, 2015

Too much information

10:40AM PDT on Apr 18, 2015

masturbation has a way of rubbing people the right way. :)

2:19AM PDT on Apr 16, 2015

Heartening.

6:46AM PDT on Apr 14, 2015

interesting article.

11:14AM PDT on Apr 10, 2015

tyfs

11:14AM PDT on Apr 10, 2015

ty

11:10AM PDT on Apr 10, 2015

Well, I just may have been the latest "bloomer" of all. I was 42 when I masturbated for the first time. I thought I was going to die so I stopped and waited to see if I died, or was struck by lightning. Neither happened and I lived to be a very, very, very, very happy woman!

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