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My Masturbation Story

My Masturbation Story

By Dr. Martha Tara Lee for YourTango.com.

I first masturbated when I was four or five years old. It was definitely before I entered primary school and so this is how I remembered when it happened.

My sister, who is one year younger, was the one who taught me how to masturbate. So if I was five, she was four. If I was four, she was three.

My sister came to me, and she said in Mandarin (paraphrasing from memory): “Hey Sis, I know if you did something you’d feel good.”

I asked: “What?”

She revealed: “If you take the bolster (a long pillow), you put it between your legs, and squeeze your thighs, and kind-of snake your legs around the bolster, and lock them in your ankles. Next you squeeze really hard, and then you rub your privates (she really meant clitoris) against the bolster. You have to rub really hard. You will feel good at some point.”

I was like… “What are you talking about?”

I tried it, and I didn’t feel anything besides pain in my ankles and frustrated. I went back to her: “You must be lying. Nothing happened. You show me!”

More from YourTango: When Partner’s Sex Drive Varies, Masturbation Saves the Day

My sister demonstrated the moves to me.

I admitted, “That’s what I did. I still didn’t feel anything!”

My sister ordered: “No, no, no. You don’t give up. Just keep trying. Even when you’re tired, you just keep going.”

As a kid, the thought of even giving up was not an option because if my sister could figure out something, then surely I could too because I’m one year older than her. There was definitely a competitive element going on as kid.

I went back to my room (and bolster) kept trying and trying until I did feel something good. I experienced my first orgasm.

I didn’t know it was called the orgasm. I didn’t know what we were doing was masturbation. I didn’t know we were rubbing on the clitoris. I did not know any of these terms. But I knew it felt good.

More from YourTango: 4 Reasons Why Women Should Masturbate More Often

After some weeks, I began to become curious, even a tad worried, if what we were doing was dangerous because after all, I was still a kid. I don’t know whether this heart-beating and this flushing of blood within my body was good for me. I decided to ask my mom.

I planned it so I caught her at the right time. She was lying on the sofa watching TV, and then I lay on the floor next to her. She was just above me.

I asked her during a commercial break: “Hey mom. I want to show you something my sister taught me. I don’t know how to explain it. I need to show it to you.”

She nodded and I proceeded to demonstrate our unique masturbation technique to my mom.

To her credit, she said, “Oh that. It’s okay. It’s normal.”

Because of that one sentence, I felt relieved that it’s okay to feel pleasure and to continue masturbating.

She didn’t smack me on the head. She didn’t tell me to stop because I think if she had, I probably would have not knowing any better.

More from YourTango: Does Masturbation Count As Sex?

I’m sharing this story even though it is very personal because I want to help normalize masturbation. I don’t want you to think that because I’ve been masturbating since I was four or five, I’m over sexualized, and that’s why I became a sexologist.

No, I have just as little or as much sex education than a lot of my clients. The saving grace was that I caught up in the last seven years of my life, running my practice for the last five, and then having my training, the last two.

Masturbation has helped me to be a more empowered person even when I had no names for the act, no names for my body parts.

Learning about our bodies is a good thing. The more comfortable we are with our bodies and with our sexuality, the more we can learn and share it with our partners later on.

Subscribe to my three free videos I am releasing as part of Masturbation Month here!

Dr Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical†counseling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia and beyond. For more, visit www.ErosCoaching.com.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com:†My Masturbation Story: I Got It Figured When I Was Five!.

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119 comments

+ add your own
11:31PM PDT on Sep 15, 2014

Boring

5:57PM PDT on Sep 7, 2014

Wow, the comments.

12:47AM PDT on Sep 7, 2014

I did it it when I was 4. I´m an only child. I remember that when I was 4 or 5 I was wandering how I knew this trick cause I didn´t remember how I had found it out, if it was natural or if it was my mom who had shown it to me. It was my secret though. I discovered it was called clitoris when I was 16, lol.

5:48PM PDT on Sep 1, 2014

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10:51PM PDT on Aug 25, 2014

Sadly, this story unnerves me a little not sure how I feel with young pre-pubescent children talking/sharing/demonstrating masturbation techniques to each other....has an incestuous flair to it......just my opinion.

3:40AM PDT on Aug 22, 2014

If it feels good, do it! Old moral sermons regarding this have no place in today's society. Love your body, it can only do you good :-)

3:55AM PDT on Aug 20, 2014

Monika K :" No child should masturbate. " Why not?

2:09PM PDT on Aug 16, 2014

Good to have an open opinion about this without spreading guilt or shame!

8:43AM PDT on Aug 13, 2014

I think religious entanglement must be quite a hard issue for someone to confront, followed closely by perhaps guilt over being caught etc.

6:16PM PDT on Aug 9, 2014

wow

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