My Mother And Her Vibrator

Three years ago, this Shameless Woman convinced my sister to go in on a vibrator as a gift for our mother for her birthday. I think my mom must have been turning 78 or 79 at the time. My mother is a very sexy lady — in fact she wears a necklace that we bought her when our kids were born that says “Sexy Grandma.”

My father has been dead for over 26 years. Mom has been a widow for a very long time, since her fifties. There were boyfriends along the way, but the last one died years ago. I had spoken to my mother about masturbation and how important it would be for her to give herself this kind of pleasure, but she usually dismissed me.

And I understand that most people don’t ever want to think about their mother masturbating — and frankly, I really understand that! But I am not most people! I am a sex educator after all! I wanted my mother to be able to continue to have some kind of sexual pleasure in her life, so I thought if we got her a vibrator it might open up an entire new world for her. So we bought the vibrator. It was a very simple one. It wasn’t a pink-striped, pulsing, and twisting dildo….no not that. I didn’t want to scare her after all!

We settled on an old fashioned vibrator, the one that has a little “special applicator” attachment. It looked a little like a small mixer but without the beaters. We wrapped it up pretty with a bow and when my mother opened it, she laughed. And then she looked at us and said, “Maybe.”

It lived in her closet for years, until my mother turned 81. Every time I brought it up, mom would tell me that she was frightened of hurting herself. I would talk to her about this. “Come on mom, how are you going to hurt yourself?”

She could never explain to me her fears, and in the end the vibrator remained unused.

And then one afternoon my mother called me. I knew something was up at “Hello.” She had this cat-who-had-caught-the-canary kind of voice….

“Well, I used it!” She gushed.

“Used what?”

“The vibrator!!! I was watching this show on television today and they had this expert on the elderly, and she was taking about how important it was for good overall health for older people to continue to have sex, and how unfortunate it was that many women lose their mates…and that the elderly should be encouraged to masturbate, and this really impressed me! It is the Today Show after all. And then the expert said that we should all go and find a quiet place and explore….so I got the box down!”

Okay, I tried to not be insulted that after three years or more of having this very same conversation with my mother, and even buying her a vibrator, and giving her lube (think about that a moment — I gave my mother lube!). It took this stranger who was on the Today Show to impress her!

“That is SO great Mom! I am so happy!”

“Well, I opened the box. I was nervous about it, but I figured I could read the directions. And you know, the instructions don’t even mention sex! How stupid is that? A vibrator that doesn’t talk about masturbation! It had all these different attachments. I finally figured out the “Special Applicator” for “Special Places” was the one that I should use. I was a little scared, but I decided that I was just going to do this! What could happen?! I will have you know that your 81-year-old mother had an orgasm in like two minutes! It was so fast! And I soaked the bed! I had forgotten what that felt like! I had forgotten the feeling. It was so good! I guess I didn’t lose it from not using it!”

I was stunned. She soaked the bed? “Mom…you ejaculated?”

“All of this fluid shot out of me!”

I have got to tell you that I know that Mom used to do this. She has told my sister and I about it, but neither my sister or I have ever done it. But apparently my mother does not orgasm ever without ejaculation even at 81!

“That is so cool mom; you know neither Vicki or I ejaculate! They even have classes on how to teach women how to do this….but you do this naturally!”

“You mean you don’t have an orgasm?” My mother sounded confused and appalled.

“No, Mom, I have orgasms — lots of them. I just don’t ejaculate. I get wet…but liquid does not shoot out of me and soak the bed the way you are describing….” I am talking to my mother about my orgasm now. I am trying to be cool. I am not feeling cool.

“Oh…I thought everyone did that,” said my mother. “Where does it come from?? Yours just stays inside you??”

“I think it comes from glands near the cervix…but I really don’t know….”

I had forgotten that my youngest son had walked into the apartment while I was chatting up the world of masturbation with my mother. He had made a bee-line for the kitchen and I was so distracted that I hardly noticed him. Besides, at 17 he was pretty independent. So he wasn’t on my mind until I heard him shout from the kitchen.

“Mom….I am going to throw up! Really Mom…I am going to vomit!!”

Oh God! I couldn’t stop laughing! Poor baby! Let’s hear it for small apartments! My son appears from the kitchen carrying a bowl of soup and looks at me and says, “No amount of therapy in the world, Mom…..do you understand…no amount of therapy in the world.”

*****

What to do after reading this article:

Please leave a comment, “Like it” and “Share it.”

Take advantage of Pamela’s special offer for a free membership in her “Shameless Community.” Membership usually costs $25. Just put “Care 2 Offer” in your profile. To learn more and to join click here.

Related:
Female Ejaculation: Fact or Fiction?
Has the G-Spot Been Over-Marketed?
6 Health Benefits of Self Pleasure

120 comments

Susi Matthews
Susi Matthews2 years ago

I laughed SO hard at your son's reaction! One of the saddest things about our culture is the amount of shame that has been attached to sex and to masturbation. Good for you; good for your Mother!

To those who think it's gross? I really, truly feel sorry for you since you have such fear and anxiety attached to the most normal and wonderful responses of our own bodies. If, as you may believe, God created us in his image, why would he create something shameful or disgusting? Have you even considered that?

Edo R.
Edo R.2 years ago

Thanks for sharing!

Charles Edwards
Charles Edwards2 years ago

Teresa, said half jokingly, if you lived in this area, I would be looking to see if you were related to my wife. The one area of my life that I would be classified a liberal in that I would do whatever it took for it to be enjoyable for her, she for the most part is like you. We did not grow up together so I can't know of her BG but w/the few courses of psych I took yr ago, she gives off vibes of having been raped or abused. B4 you come across w/'the lustfilled oversexed male', I will say it was over 3 mo. after we exchanged vows b4 we had sex. I knew she was not ready when we married & would not force the issue. I do not know your BG but from what you say here & your profile, somewhere in your BG is an 'unpleasant' event that is the basis for your attitude. Do not judge the many for the actions of 1. I grew up in a family without love & had about given up when I found my wife. I was abused as a child through early adulthood & it took 'forever' to work through it to get to where I could open up to another. Yes, it was worth the trip.

Robynne W.
Robynne W.2 years ago

I feel sorry for you Teresa, if you really believe sex is gross.
(The only people I know who feel that way - are virgins0

Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W.2 years ago

Robynne, it IS gross. It's the most disgusting thing in the world!

Nils Anders Lunde
PlsNoMessage se2 years ago

One are never to old to explore :-)

Mary T.
Mary T.2 years ago

love the article. sex is important even at 81 :)

Thomas P.
Thomas P.2 years ago

Thanks...great article...I totally lmao. I feel the more a society talks about sex, the more progressive and healthier its attitude toward sex will be. I think sex should be celebrated, not shushed. And the fact that the author is discussing sex with her octogenarian mother is awesome. That said, it's always a good idea to know your audience. I think that a woman having a discussion with her mother about using a vibrator is a conversation that her son probably shouldn't hear, but it's pretty funny having a bird's eye view of it!

Charles Edwards
Charles Edwards2 years ago

Been watching the comments on this from the start. Love it. Overwhelmingly in most parts of my life I am the super conservative but in matters such as this, quite liberal-If it feels good and ain't hurting anyone else, go for it. Makes m think of the last family reunion I attended. The cousins of one branch of the family tree were having an XXX rated discussion of their sexual habits, turn ons, turn offs and in walks their mother, my Aunt. (Sidebar here-she is in her mid to late 60s. I am the oldest of the next generation at 60. These cousins range from mid 40s-mid 50s). All of a sudden there is total silence. She turns to them saying-What's the matter? You think your generation invented the blow job? Got news for ya...I could not help but bust out laughing while all my cousins were standing there dying. Later the middle one was sitting there and started shivering with a twisted face like she had bit into a bitter lemon. Asked her WTH? She tells me her mother just ruined the entire weekend with that comment that she had the picture in her head, could not get it to leave and just totally grossed her out. Of course I had to laugh until it hurt. Her hitting me with that purse may have been part of it.

Denise Extence
Denise E.2 years ago

this made me smile!