4. Put aside judgment. You may have been raised to think porn is wrong and anti-feminist, but you might discover that you actually love it and it totally turns you on. So why not embrace what makes you hot? Maybe your best friend bought you a vibrator but youíre afraid your partner will think you love your new electronic boyfriend more than him. But why canít you have both? Maybe youíre finding yourself attracted to women even though youíve considered yourself heterosexual your whole life. Allow yourself to feel desire for whatever makes you hot without letting your inner critic get in the way. This doesnít mean you canít also have morals and values that affect your behavior and keep you from acting on every impulse you have. But allow yourself to be honest about your desires — then figure out how you choose to behave. Apply the same non-judgment to your partner. Let your partner explore his/her desire as well and be as open as you can be about trying new things without sacrificing your authenticity and integrity.
5. Make time for sex. If you have to do the dishes, do the laundry, and then do your lover, it will feel like yet another thing on your to do list. But if you set time aside, make sex dates, and make it exciting (try using 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex — a sexy, experiential how-to for planned seduction by Laura Corn), you may find yourself wanting to skip making dinner so you can go straight to dessert.
6. Learn to communicate openly about sex. Talk talk talk about it! Lou Paget, author of How to Be a Great Lover agrees that you must talk about sex! Her tips for helping to chat about sex with your partner: “If you wish to give guidance during sex, limit your directions to just one word- left, up, harder, down. A sentence is often heard as criticism. A word is heard as direction. Use sounds as well. Make happy noises for what works. Speak up or withhold the happy noises when something isnít working. If you feel comfortable, try masturbating in front of your partner to demonstrate what works for you. Even the worldís best athletes have coaches. They need someone who can show them and guide them. Donít practice psychic sex, thinking your partner should know what you want. Itís crazy-making. Communicate what you need.”
What works for you? Have you discovered tricks for jazzing up your life in the bedroom? Dish, dear ones!