As I wrote about here, when I met Nicole Daedone, I knew I had met my kinda sex teacher. My hubby and I had been considering branching out from our loving (albeit somewhat vanilla) sex life and trying something new. So when Nicole of One Taste offered me the gift of two of her best OM coaches, who would come into our home and teach us a new sexual meditation practice, I knew I’d be crazy to say no.
But that doesn’t mean I didn’t start freaking out the moment I accepted her offer.
I had read Nicole’s book Slow Sex, so I had a general idea what she teaches. From the book, I knew that Orgasmic Meditation (which she affectionately calls “OM-ing,” as in Om….) is a stripped down sexual practice that is part yoga, part orgasm, part meditation, with something unnamable thrown in for good measure.
What Is Orgasmic Meditation (OM)?
The practice is pretty dang simple. Here’s how I’d describe it (in my words, not Nicole’s, so forgive me for any imperfections in technique.)
How to OM
- You lay down a yoga mat, create a “nest” with blankets, pillows, a washcloth, and other accoutrement needed for the practice.
- The woman gets butt naked from the waist down and lies flat on her back with her legs frog-legged open, while her fully dressed partner (in this case we’ll use the gender of a man, though certainly two women could engage in this practice as well) sits beside her.
- The guy sets a timer for 15 minutes, before asking permission to touch her, touching her legs with his hands, and then getting his finger in place under the hood of her clitoris, just to the left of the glans of the clitoris.
- He then applies a small amount of lubricant and uses a very slight, small, up-down stroking motion just to the left of the clitoral hood for the next 13 minutes.
- During this time, both the man and the woman are focused on pure sensation. This is not a goal-oriented practice. There is no where to “get.” Climax, while often a pleasant side effect, is not the aim. Success is defined as the ability to actually feel your body, even in the slightest way – a tingle in your left thigh, an opening in your pelvis, a butterfly in your stomach, electric warmth of her under your finger as you stroke her - whatever.
- As the guy, your only job is to stroke up and down in this itty bitty motion and notice your own sensation. As the girl, your job is to guide him – a little to the left, a little further up – and notice your sensation in response.
- There is no goal to this motion other than noticing sensation. Climax may or may not happen. Sex is not meant to follow. The woman “owes” nothing to the man afterwards. Radical noticing and pure sensation is truly the only goal.
- At the 13 minute mark, the timer chimes, and the “stroker” is to slow down the stroking, switch from an “up” stroke to a “down” stroke, and complete the stroking.
- Then the stroker pushes his full body weight down over her pubic bone or up towards her head with both hands to “ground” her and wipes off her goo.
- Both he and she then share a “frame,” a sensation each noticed during the experience.
- And then you’re done!
When I said yes to having two OM coaches come over, I kind of knew the theoretical mechanics of how to OM, but I hadn’t tried it myself and had no idea what to expect of coaching.
So How Was It?
Well, Alisha and Rob, the rock star OM coaches Nicole sent to our home, were SO nice, nonthreatening, open, sweet, gentle, patient, and loving in a not-at-all-creepy way. We started with the four of us all watching a video about how to OM, then followed it with a conversation about what Matt and I expected, how we hoped OMing might help us, and any sexual dynamics we wished to discuss. (I’ll spare you the details!)
After we spoke, our coaches made it clear that we had a choice. Matt and I could OM in front of them – and they would give us pointers. Or not. They were cool either way. But most people hired them because they wanted to be coached on proper technique, given feedback, and generally have their coaches on point to manage anything that came up – physically or emotionally – while OMing.
Should We OM?
I looked at Matt, and he shrugged his shoulders and said, “It’s totally up to you,” which kinda made me roll my eyes. After all, that’s what we had just talked to our coaches about. That, way too often, at least from my perspective, everything is kinda up to me. It gets tiring, and sometimes you just want your big, strong, hot man to sweep you off your feet and decide for you.
Matt was on board to try this, but the decision ultimately fell to me. He said I was the one getting naked, so he didn’t feel comfortable deciding that for me.
So I decided to go for it. After all, how often do you have the chance to have two experienced OM coaches committed to helping you master a new technique intended to make you radically orgasmic in a big, big way?
Then It Got Strange
The next part was admittedly odd for me. We went up to the bedroom and built our nest on a yoga mat on the floor. I got undressed from the waist down, and we got into position. Suddenly, I felt like I was at the gynecologist’s office. I was frog-legged and there were three people looking at my hoo-ha in this clinical sort of way, as our coaches instructed Matt about what to do – up, down, yeah – under there – and whatnot.
I’m sure having my clit rubbed under other circumstances would have felt good, but my poor little hot button got stage fright. I mean, she’s not exactly used to being in the limelight. And I certainly didn’t feel comfortable surrendering into orgasm with all these witnesses. But we made it through. Matt learned what he needed to learn. Alisha and Rob were great. And I realized that, as open-minded as I am, maybe I’m not quite ready for sex with witnesses. Good to know.
Afterwards, our coaches invited us to process the experience. I asked, “So what’s in it for the guy?”
Alisha and Rob both laughed (in a sweet way) and said it was funny, that almost every couple asks that question and that it’s always the woman doing the asking. According to them, the guy is just stoked because he gets to spend 15 minutes stroking his woman’s pussy!
Alisha and Rob said we were naturals (what does it look like if you’re not?) They gave us their cards and invited us to call them should anything come up. They even offered to come back out in case we needed a follow up session. All in all, it was painless, though not exactly comfortable. Funny how we all have such hang-ups about this shit. Even gynecologists. Maybe even especially gynecologists!
A few days later, Matt and I tried our first private OM session, and it was SO much more fun! Matt was a great sport about the whole thing, and it was actually Matt who put it on my schedule (I know, I know) and motivated me to do our first OM session. With nobody watching in the peanut gallery, I was able to relax into the experience – and actually climax.
Here’s what I wrote to Nicole and my OM coaches about my first OM:
So Now What?
Well, stay tuned. We’ve OMed three times so far, and I’m definitely noticing that I feel more conscious of my body. Usually, I’m so in my head that I can go days without actually noticing a physical sensation – even pain. I think it’s an unhealthy byproduct of my medical training. After you spend 12 years not eating when you’re hungry, not sleeping when you’re tired, not having sex when you’re horny, and coming to work when you’re puking your guts out, you learn to dissociate from the needs and sensations of the body. And then you wonder why you feel so numb.
I’m FEELING Something! WOOT!
After OMing for just three sessions, I noticed my shorts brushing against my thigh when I was hiking in Muir Woods. I noticed the cool whisper of breeze on my cheek when I was watching the sun set from my front porch. I noticed a tweak in my neck after practicing yoga.
It also feels good that Matt and I are doing something proactive to improve our sex lives. And doing this practice has definitely generated a sense of intimacy between us. Plus, while OMing, I’ve had three great orgasms (I know, it’s not the goal, but I’ll take it, thank you very much!)
The best part is that, when Matt and I had sex in between OM sessions, it was the hottest, most passionate sex we’ve had in years. Afterwards, Matt said, “Let’s OM again tomorrow. “
And so we did.
So I have high hopes. Nicole says it only gets better the more you do it, and next thing you know, you’re having full body orgasms that last forever. Sign me up!
Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice
A few weeks ago I interviewed John Gray (bestselling author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and his most recent Venus On Fire, Mars On Ice) about the intersection of relationships and health for my next book. And we were both raving about Nicole. Turns out John is a big fan of OMing and the intimacy it builds between couples, and he and Nicole have done programs together. John also thinks it’s great for hormone balance in both men and women (helping build up stores of sexy testosterone for men and increasing the cuddle hormone oxytocin for women).
So my body is digging it and my doctor brain gets it biochemically.
So Stay Tuned
I’ll fill you in as we practice. And if you’re curious how to try this at home and what you might expect from OMing, read Nicole’s blog post on OwningPink.com here. And read her bookSlow Sex. And hang out here on OwningPink.com, where I’m sure I’ll be writing more about this in the future.
So what do you think? Have any of you ever OMed before? Have you tried other sexual/ spiritual practices before? Tell me your stories.
Lissa Rankin, MD: Founder of OwningPink.com, Pink Medicine Revolutionary, motivational speaker, and author of What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend and Encaustic Art: The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax.
Learn more about Lissa Rankin here.