Overcoming Shyness

When shyness overshadows our talents, we miss out on opportunities to grow and advance, trapped in a vicious circle of insecurity and frustration.

Shyness is often masked as disinterest or indifference, yet its root is much deeper.

If we go deep into the feeling of shyness, we will discover pure fear – fear of what others might think of us; the fear of disapproval.

If you have been to one of my events or practice the techniques explained in my books, you already have the practical tools you need to overcome this shyness, but if not, what can you do?

The only thing you need to do is find security within yourself: to reach the point where what you think of yourself becomes more important than any external opinion. Shyness is fed by thoughts of self criticism, often instilled by a judgmental or authoritarian figure in our past who made us feel less. Yet the origin is not important. What matters is that when our shyness activates, instead of acting out the same old defensive reactions, we listen to our hearts and dive deeper, beyond the fear, allowing our natural talents to shine through.

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Eternal G.

5:06PM PDT on May 3, 2011

Thanks!

send a green star

Timothy A.

9:16AM PDT on Apr 12, 2011

Good post,

Awkwardness around people can be conquered. It does requires a little effort.

I think a key component of overcoming shyness is gaining the skill to more easily make conversation.

Difficulty coming up with things to say is one key reason shy folks are anxious around others. Fortunately there are techniques that you can increase your ability to make conversation.

An important way is to keep abreast of current events. It also helps to think up topics of conversation in advance of entering the social situation, such as a party. And, of course, showing interest in others is also important. It helps to be a good listener.

Shirley E.

10:36AM PDT on Mar 16, 2011

I think shy people could try shifting the focus from being, "What will people think of me?" too: "What can I contribute to these people by doing whatever it is I'm shy about'. The focus then stops being about whether the ego will be wounded and becomes about service.

Shar F.

6:14AM PDT on Mar 15, 2011

I was shy too much of my life, but no more!

One source said 'It is none of your business what other people think of you.' (Probably good advice, because you can't control what other people think.)

Dan M.

6:26PM PDT on Mar 14, 2011

Interesting

Brenda T.

12:26PM PDT on Mar 13, 2011

I hope this article will help those who are shy.

Carole H.

5:56AM PDT on Mar 13, 2011

Shyness can seem appealing as it makes a person seem unassuming but I have found that it does hold you back, letting others push forward while you hold back because of a fear that you don'tquite make the grade.

Mary L.

7:00PM PST on Mar 12, 2011

I think more people feel shy on the inside than many know.

I found that for me, the easiest way to hide was to act brash and bold all the while quivering in fear on the inside. Still works, unfortunately too well.

Jessica C.

7:14AM PST on Mar 12, 2011

Thanks, very helpful. I have a big speech to do later this year and I am feeling extremely nervous about it, since I am quite shy.

Colin B.

9:59PM PST on Mar 11, 2011

thanks for your help...shyness is a subtle form of manipulation...it is a manner of masking fear to control outcomes...and is a false representation of self....it takes a lot of courage to be ones true self...as you say...this must begin with awareness of what and who i am..and to love this inner core