START A PETITION 25,136,189 members: the world's largest community for good
START A PETITION
x

Perfectionism Sucks (The Life Out Of You)

  • 1 of 4
Perfectionism Sucks (The Life Out Of You)

Years ago, back before I was obsessed with helping other people change their lives, I was pretty much a big fat mess myself. What is now my professional playground used to be my personal hell, but I know too many now-masterful teachers who first trained for their “area of expertise” in the gardens of their own lives. This is no accident. Growing into this role in this way lends itself to volumes of both compassion and practical problem-solving experience, and I’m grateful for those powerful tools.

My clients and students (and readers for that matter) often feel quite alone in their “struggles,” as if they are the only people in the world feeling this way and having these experiences. They come to my place feeling lost, overwhelmed, or invisible, and positively certain that they are, somehow, differently screwed up, and far more so than everyone else. It’s actually quite comical. We all think we are so special, even in our dysfunction. You’d think we could make that work for us.

Many who sign up for the clutter-clearing program, in particular, come in feeling downright ashamed. And it doesn’t seem to matter if they are living in homes that haven’t been open to guests for years, or if their home regularly hosts parties and travelers… who are forbidden from entering the master bedroom or attic or office or wherever else is stuffed to the brim with all of “the stuff,” the evidence that one is, in fact, stuck. They are artists and teachers, executives and real estate agents, stay-at-home moms and empty-nesters, retired folks and inspired young people, and literally, everybody in between. They are fabulous people who are finally sick of being stuck and without a clue as to what lies ahead, so they come together to make a change. (Can you tell I’m their biggest fan?)

I’ve noticed two tremendously freeing experiences that occur every single time a new round of classes begin. They are rather sacred epiphanies that, to be honest, I never dare to attempt to craft. They simply unfold, month after month, and I’m blessed enough to be a part of the magic as it changes everyone involved. Today, I heard that these treasures may be of value to those of you whose paths haven’t yet entered the groovy little garden of Seeds and Weeds Coaching.

The first key to freedom is the completely unexpected discovery that there are five or ten or twenty or fifty people who, just like you, have homes and/or lives that have become unruly enough to warrant paying for something called a Sick of Being Stuck class. Most of them are genuinely stunned to see that other intelligent, loving, functional people are in the same position. It is so easy to believe that we are the broken ones and that everyone else has it all together, but that’s simply untrue.

  • 1 of 4

Read more: Feng Shui & Organizing, Home, Self-Help, Spirit, Women's Health, , , , , , ,

have you shared this story yet?

go ahead, give it a little love

Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at SeedsAndWeedsCoaching.com and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.

115 comments

+ add your own
2:10AM PDT on Jul 10, 2013

Thank you :)

8:23AM PDT on Jul 31, 2012

Interesting article. Prefer a mellow relaxed lifestyle rather than getting hung up on details or the Judgements Of Others.

My apartment is small and it is what some would call cluttered-it is neat but there is something everywhere, the desk in the living room is filled with little treasures such as tiny geodes, stones, part of a wasp nest showing its fascinating geometric form, other things that make me happy.

When cleaning I try and tackle a bit at a time, say one room or if a larger room only part of it needs to be tackled. Far more relaxing that way and less overwhelming.

A friend is obsessed about weight and complains about obese people constantly to the point of hatred and prejudice all because she always feels pressure not to be overweight.

Having reached middle age I have become over weight but do I want to wear myself out getting upset about it? Going for walks and doing Tai Chi helps,

8:23AM PDT on Jul 31, 2012

Adding to my previous comment, this is second time where I have not even touched the Add Comment button and it suddenly flies up there-must be an ultra sensitive scroll pad or something...where was I...going for walks by the river and Tai Chi helps with the weight problem along with eating things in moderation. For 90 per cent of my life I was quite thin and now that I have gained extra weight because of medication for illness it does not make me feel the need to grind myself up.

Certainly there are others who judge overweight people, once a friend and I had pizza while a younger woman dined with her husband. She glanced at us with a withering look of judgement saying to her husband "Look at what they are eating!" My friend glowered at her husband and he looked embarrassed. The woman then smiled at my friend as if she were bestowing us with her Perfection.

Not all of us can measure up to Perfection or society's obsession with close to anorexic models airbrushed to a false Chimera of Perfection which few of us every day people can measure up. Many perfectionists are oh so judgemental.

They can have it along with the sour disposition. For me, it is more relaxing and less stressful to have a mellow outlook on life.

11:41PM PDT on Jun 20, 2012

EXCUSE ME!!!...AND ANYONEONE TRYING TO BE NORMAL!?!...(ooohhh! that's right, NORMAL, really is in the mind of the beholder!) 1.) TRUELY DEFINE, PERFECTIONISIOM 2.) BREAK IT DOWN...AND define each of those!..........3.)OBSESSION IS OBSESSION!!..including those that KNOW they RUN FROM RESPONSABILITY , ON A "NORMAL" PLAIN..that is somewhat SOCIALLAY acceptable...and CLAIM, "i DONOT WANT TO BE..A PERFECTIONIST"...(SO! I can get away with being ..on the "basics" IRRESPONSABLE, MANUPULATIVE AND MAKE EVERYONE ELSE PICK UP AFTER THEM!!)....paradise for some..spoiled rotten brats...and their VICTIMIZATION ..IS DEVASTASTING IN THE WORKPLACE, AS WELL AS THEIR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIYS!!...It AFFECTS us all, in every aspect of life!...especially DRUG USERS!!!
tHINK OF "PERFECTIONISM AS A GOAL, TO LEARN TO DO , WHAT EVER YOUR JOB IS, RIGHT!, FOR THE CUSTOMER 1ST, YOU & THE COMPAMY, with compassion for all!...listening is the biggest skill..AND LISTENING IS ACTUALLY A SKILL, ..AND YOU CAN LEARN IT!...AND we HAVE TO AND PRACTICE IT , EVERY SINGLE DAY!!...OR ...WE HAVE NOTHING BUT "CRAP", EVERYDAY..OUR CHOICE!

11:39PM PDT on Jun 20, 2012

EXCUSE ME!!!...AND ANYONEONE TRYING TO BE NORMAL!?!...(ooohhh! that's right, NORMAL, really is in the mind of the beholder!) 1.) TRUELY DEFINE, PERFECTIONISIOM 2.) BREAK IT DOWN...AND define each of those!..........3.)OBSESSION IS OBSESSION!!..including those that KNOW they RUN FROM RESPONSABILITY , ON A "NORMAL" PLAIN..that is somewhat SOCIALLAY acceptable...and CLAIM, "i DONOT WANT TO BE..A PERFECTIONIST"...(SO! I can get away with being ..on the "basics" IRRESPONSABLE, MANUPULATIVE AND MAKE EVERYONE ELSE PICK UP AFTER THEM!!)....paradise for some..spoiled rotten brats...and their VICTIMIZATION ..IS DEVASTASTING IN THE WORKPLACE, AS WELL AS THEIR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIYS!!...It AFFECTS us all, in every aspect of life!...especially DRUG USERS!!!
tHINK OF "PERFECTIONISM AS A GOAL, TO LEARN TO DO , WHAT EVER YOUR JOB IS, RIGHT!, FOR THE CUSTOMER 1ST, YOU & THE COMPAMY, with compassion for all!...listening is the biggest skill..AND LISTENING IS ACTUALLY A SKILL, ..AND YOU CAN LEARN IT!...AND we HAVE TO AND PRACTICE IT , EVERY SINGLE DAY!!...OR ...WE HAVE NOTHING BUT "CRAP", EVERYDAY..OUR CHOICE!

8:31PM PDT on Jun 20, 2012

excellent article, perfection reeally sucks

6:17PM PDT on Jun 20, 2012

Love this! Glad to know that I have company with some of these feelings.

12:54AM PDT on Jun 19, 2012

Very nice. I think It is time for everyone to show responsibility. Only then we our society can move forward on a right track

3:00PM PDT on Jun 16, 2012

Thank-You, for starting that group. However, you forgot to add animal hoarders. I guess you are not perfect(lol). I would like to read some articles on this problem. I wonder if puppy mills(or other animal mills) have a bit of hoarder in it somewhere??? I agree most of it is about the money however, I wonder if some of it is not untreated hoarderism. I am glad someone is helping us not to feel ashamed of this. There is also Clutters Anonymous, a 12-Step program. It is a small fellowship so, you might have to start a group yourself. Google Clutters Anonymous to find out about the fellowship










































































12:54AM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

Even just doing one positive thing each day can work wonders. And you get to see it all add up as time goes forward. It's great!

add your comment



Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

people are talking

Peace is indeed what I think it is.... Being in the quiet,, with God in my heart...

Yes, for sure we have more stored than the younger people. Also, it depends how active you keep yo…

Thanks! Hibiscus flowers also makes a great hair mask.. here are instructions on how to make it: htt…

I am 71 and act and react as good as anyone, said humbly. Too many "over-the-hill" stories. Sure I a…

Story idea? Want to blog? Contact the editors!



Select names from your address book   |   Help
   

We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.