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Pleasure: Itís All in the Hands

Pleasure: Itís All in the Hands

A man who works with his hands is a laborer; a man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman; but a man who works with his hands and his brain and his heart is an artist. óLouis Nizer

One of the most powerful, yet rarely considered gifts we bring to our capacity for love is right in our hands, literally.† Sir Charles Bell, a surgeon† wrote ďThe human hand is so beautifully formed, its actions are so powerful, so free and yet so delicate that there is no thought of its complexity as an instrument; we use it as we draw our breath, unconsciously.” Nowhere is this perhaps more true than in the archaic, almost prehistoric manner that we often touch each other intimately.

The pawing and groping that is often associated with teenage passionate sexual discovery is often not replaced with the subtle and sweeping capacity of touch that the hands hold as we age, for two reasons.† The first is because many of us never become really comfortable with our ability to touch, even ourselves, sexually–which often leads to the second reason, which is that we never really learn how to use our hands to touch others in the many ways the hands are capable of.

Hand exploration, using not just finger tips but palms, knuckles, and even the webbing between your fingers all create different textures and sensations. Likewise, there are many more erogenous zones on a personís body beyond the genitalia. Listed as primary, secondary and tertiary zones in ancient tantric texts, places like the temples, the anatomy of the ear, the nape of the neck and even the nose each carry a remarkable number of neuron receptors that will both capture your partnerís attention and surprise both of you by the stirring they generate.

Introducing a variety of different kinds of touches to intimate play is like adding high octane fuel to your usual moves. I am not sure where the block was created for so many women who believe that touching themselves while their man is also caressing or kissing them is off limits, but no one ever really made up that ruleÖ we were just self conscious teenagers who thought it would be impolite.† As well, adding different kinds of hand pressure on a male member that you are also kissing is totally fair game. Experiment with light butterfly fingers or firm circular pressure that starts at the base of the penis and slowly moves upward.

Exploring the multitude of techniques in how to touch is actually coursework.† Sexologists arenít just people who talk with you about your sex life.† Some of them who are certified† in some states as sexological body workers actually teach you the massage techniques (both solo and as a couple).† If you arenít ready to get on a table and explore professionally, you may at least want to listen to one of the best in the field who taught me a great deal about the many ways that expanding your ability to both touch and feel sexually opens you to changes in much deeper parts of your life.

The book Red Hot Touch, by Jaiya, is one of the best books I have ever read on the topic and I can already testify that after testing out just a few of her tips,† her book is a gold mine of easy-to-understand and easier still to-implement techniques that will change how you think about the love your hands are capable of creating.

The Pleasures of Outercourse
The Pleasure Principle

Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Love, Relationships, Sex, Spirit, , ,

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.† In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,† she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice.†It has been called "the essential guide for relationships." †The book is available on ebook.† Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


+ add your own
10:30PM PDT on Apr 23, 2011

I thought it was all in the mind!

7:33AM PDT on Mar 16, 2011


3:42AM PDT on Mar 15, 2011

Would that more males knew and practiced this. They would find their wives interest in sex re-newed and their own pleasure increased. Familiarity ought not breed boredom -or worse!

10:19AM PST on Mar 9, 2011

wow I am an artist :)

7:14AM PST on Mar 8, 2011

great artical human touch is so nice. We all need to spent more time with oour loved ones touching holding and loving

12:42PM PST on Mar 7, 2011


10:09AM PST on Mar 7, 2011

A touch can make the difference in a relationship. A partner who is attentive will want to explore whereas one not as interested won't bother....

8:52AM PST on Mar 7, 2011

Absolutely true!

3:17AM PST on Mar 7, 2011

This is not what I expected from the heading! I thought it was going to be about satisfaction from creating things with your hands. :)

1:04AM PST on Mar 7, 2011

Hmmm ....yes, I'm a hedonist

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