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Positivity Quest Day 95: Another Way to Say Forgiveness

Positivity Quest Day 95: Another Way to Say Forgiveness

Love is an act of endless forgiveness. –Peter Ustinov

A lot of people struggle with the idea of resurrection. The literal religious telling of a man overcoming death, of his coming back amongst the living for 40 days to teach the most esoteric and divine lessons of his life is hard to grasp for many. It is the tale that divides the believers and non-believers most passionately. In fact, believing the story is foundational to the fate your own death will bring you, or so those that passionately believe will tell you. There is no middle ground, you are saved or you are out. The black and white of it all is where many people lose faith.

It is ironic that the story that was intended to save us from our selves, actually continues to divide us. Within the literal story of the resurrection, may lie the deeper meaning and the opportunity for finding forgiveness. In a world of imperfect humans, forgiveness may be our only access to a life beyond the one we know and may well be the story that Jesus came back to tell. If love is a verb, than forgiveness is the action verb. It is the highest form of love and the single behavior that most distinguishes our human potential.

In an ancient tale from the Kaballah, God told the angels in training that the capacity to forgive is the most excellent gift in the human experience, more essential to the continuity of life than the courage to sacrifice your own life for someone else or enduring the pain of giving birth. God explained to one angel, “Forgiveness is the only reason my creation continues. Without forgiveness, all would disappear in an instantaneous flash.”

The need for forgiveness on our planet has probably never been more acute than it is today. Desmond Tutu once said that,”Forgiveness and reconciliation are not just ethereal, spiritual, other-worldly activities. They have to do with the real world. They are “real politik” because in a very real sense, without forgiveness, there is no future. And yet we don’t have to look that far. For most of us, right in our own homes, we struggle with hurts, real and imagined, that separate us from the ones we say we love. The smallest of details in sharing a life with someone can easily and often without notice turn into a storyline about the person you say that you love.

Before Christ was born, Marcus Aurelius said, “our anger and annoyance are more detrimental to us than the things themselves which anger or annoy us.” The petty arguments of life are the cracks in the foundation of the relationships we are building. Left unresolved, we often fall into the established patterns of retreat and attack that impact both partners’ abilities to be emotionally available and vulnerable.

My youngest daughter’s friend Lilly lost her father to a battle with cancer today. I met him a few weeks ago at the cultural fair at their school He seemed well then, but maybe he knew as he glanced through the stories of all the 6th grade lives that this was his last look. Did he get to forgive everyone that he needed to before his last moments of consciousness? Did he get to forgive himself? The more time I spend here, trying to love people, trying to learn to love myself, the more convinced I am that the only thing that we have time for is forgiveness.

Read more: Global Healing, Guidance, Love, Mental Wellness, Sex, Spirit, Wendy's Positivity Quest

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

86 comments

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1:53PM PDT on Apr 23, 2010

Sometimes I am quick to forgive and sometimes just can't get my mind to go there. I need to work on this one some more. Thank you for the post.

3:14PM PDT on Apr 20, 2010

It's a Great post! Thank you!

5:52AM PDT on Apr 20, 2010

it is a great healer; often becuase it requires knoweldge of self before it can be truly given we shy away from that final act - the bit where the heart engages beyond the words and the burden lifts - after all what did I do to be put in this position, why shoudl I be the one......? These events are part of our journey and the more willing we are to see our own role in their formation and continuation (with the destruction that brings to spirit, to social and to self and sometimes to learn things we repeatedly ignore) and make the changes necessary the more quickly healing occurs and we grow in spriit , move on in postive ways, and become less easy to upset. It is NOT weak to forgive but the most powerful strength and a great gift to both receive and give.

11:45AM PDT on Apr 17, 2010

the real forgiveness is the one that is not affected by things that come from outside: for example your gf does smth bad.....you are mad on her....she apologises then you forgive her and you then think that if she didn't apologise you would have been still mad on her........well that is a forgiveness influenced by other factors.....which is not the REAL forgiveness

hope you guys will think about this

THANK YOU

11:09AM PDT on Apr 16, 2010

I will be thinking about this article for the rest of the week. Thank you.

1:31AM PDT on Apr 16, 2010

Thank you ms. Wendy Strgar!
Excellent article.
To forgive is difficult, to forget that for which you forgave is even more difficult!

10:10AM PDT on Apr 15, 2010

Thank you. Very nice article.

9:19AM PDT on Apr 14, 2010

Very true. Thank you!

12:36AM PDT on Apr 14, 2010

My priority is to Love first as Jesus loved and lived and a funny thing happens , forgiveness follows along.

6:23PM PDT on Apr 13, 2010

Thanks Wendy,
That was beautifully written. Forgiveness truly is the cornerstone of love and our humanity. It is also the most difficult thing about love.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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