http://www.care2.com/greenliving/quiz-are-you-a-fair-fighter.html
Quiz: Are You a Fair Fighter?
By Cait Johnson, Managing Producer, Care2 Green Living.
No matter how deep or loving our relationships, occasional conflict is unavoidable. But how fairly do you fight? Take this quiz to see if you or your loved ones hit below the belt in an argument, or if you know the rules of healthy conflict resolution, here:
Answer the following questions TRUE or FALSE:
1. I try to echo back what my partner is saying. That doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.
2. We often bring up the past when we argue.
3. I try my best to speak from my very deepest truth when I argue, even if that reveals how scared or vulnerable I am.
4. It is not unusual for us to call each other names when things get really heated.
5. It’s important for both of us to empathize with one another, no matter how strongly we feel about our own position.
6. After we’ve had an argument, only one of us feels better, or neither one of us feels better.
7. After we’ve had an argument, we both feel better: the air has been cleared.
8. I can get pretty accusing when I argue: “YOU did this, YOU did that.”
9. I try to confine myself to stating my feelings when I argue: “I felt this when you did that.”
10. The most important thing in an argument is to win and be right.
11. The most important thing in an argument is for both of us to feel heard and understood.
If you answered TRUE to odd-numbered questions, your conflict resolution skills are healthy and strong. You are to be commended!
If you answered TRUE to even-numbered questions, you might want to read one of the many excellent books on communication skills and conflict resolution so that your relationships can flourish.
More on Guidance (529 articles available)More from Cait Johnson (396 articles available)
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10 comments
add your comment »For at least a decade (probly more) I've been working on anger issues. I always seem to have difficulty balancing tolerance v. being walked on. What I do know is that my temper, once upset, is horrible.
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yeep, hot temper gets often the better of me,too. some times there is no other way - but most of the time it is :-) So let's try the "other way" first and then is still enough time for being hot tempered :-)
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before i even read this,i have always been very hot temper.but i have learn to control it at 12 years old.however,every now and then,i'll let my anger fly and only to be sorry afterwards.but by then,i can't bring myself to appologised.
now,when i argued with my sister,i'll try and calm myself and asked,why is she doing this?and always i tell myself its because she's at her 'rebellious' stage.
what i have read is quite true.however,its sometimes hard to be the first to back down and be the one with a clear head.is it because i'm 17 this year and still too young to be mature?
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I am a little of both what that shows me is that I am slowly learning to communicate in a more positive way, putting your partner down solves nothing it just creates a unhealthy environment for the both of you.
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Like everything else, it works for some.
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Great idea, if more people left out ego's we'd all be better off.
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I try to implement all 6, it's just really hard to do some days!!
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I was surprised to find that I'm fairer than I had imagined, (we always think the worst!) My husband says I fight fairer than he does which is also very fair - mutual fan club over here!
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Listening is a skill that develops over time but is so very important. Taking the perspective of the other person and thinking about how they see things also takes practice, but both are so valuable in solving anything but physical conflict.
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This is great I hope that people will become more intrested in communicating positively. I learned this in thearapy and also by reading Don Miguile Ruiz's book The Four Agreements. I highly recomend it. Vicky Chambers
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