One of the most common phenomena that occurs after the ending of one relationship is what the author of this helpful book calls a “Postscript Relationship.” If you have been in one relationship and are now in another, take this quiz to see if you are in a Postscript Relationship, and to find out what gifts these relationships bring us, here:
Take note of the statements that are TRUE for you.
1. The person I am involved with has a number of similarities to my ex (this may even include a similar name).
2. My relationship with this person evokes strong feelings that are a lot like those I experienced with my ex.
3. I find myself in situations now that remind me strongly of similar situations with my ex.
If you answered TRUE to any of these questions, you may be in a Postscript Relationship. What this type of relationship says, in effect, is “In case you can’t really believe what happened to you, we’re going to run it by you one more time.” It is a mini-rerun of the relationship that has just ended, a microcosm in which you can see quickly and vividly the things in the original relationship that caused its end.
In a Postscript Relationship we unconsciously direct ourselves toward an involvement that includes precisely the qualities and experiences that were finally unacceptable in the previous relationship. It is almost like viewing the body in the funeral parlor, as if you are saying, I want one more look before I finally say goodbye.
We need to see these relationships as an opportunity for the final crystallizing clarification about the relationship that has just ended. Postscript Relationships provide an opportunity for deeper emotional resolution and prepare the way for new and more appropriate relationships.
Adapted from Coming Apart, by Daphne Rose Kingman (Conari Press, 2000). Copyright (c) 2000 by Daphne Rose Kingma. Reprinted by permission of Conari Press.
Adapted from Coming Apart, by Daphne Rose Kingman (Conari Press, 2000).