Reclaiming Our Virginity

As a sex and intimacy coach that specializes in the issues of women, a recurrent theme around sexuality is that so many women feel used up, numb, and experience a lack of desire around their own sexuality. They long for a time where they felt fresh, pure and alive erotically. One woman said to me at a recent† “Back to The Body” retreat for women.† “I wish I could feel like a virgin again. When everything sexual was full of mystery and excitement.”

Well, what about that? What is a virgin anyway? Is it a person that has never experienced sexual intercourse? Is it a state that can be lost simply because penis enter vagina? Does that mean that some lesbians who never experience sexual intercourse with a man remain sexual virgins? Or is it possible to re-define what we mean by virginity and for all of us to be able to reclaim our own sexual virginity?

Eternal virgins feel like they have been born again sexually, or have reclaimed their own pure sexual essence. It is as if they have returned to a natural state where they are free from contamination, societal or religious shame, the softening and letting go of abuse or negative thoughts about their bodies and sexuality.†I have watched many women regain a feeling of spontaneity around their sexual desires where they only welcome in what they need in order to feel in a state of completeness.

We can learn to touch and reclaim this pure essence of our own sexual energy. It is always pure, spontaneous, wild, free, and available to help us create whatever we want in this life. Saida Desilets, Ph.D., a sex educator says,†ďAs we reclaim our virginity, we return to our innate sense of self. Through redefining ourselves according to our own truth and not according to what others lead us to believe, we deepen our trust in really knowing what that is for usĒ.

Yes, it is possible to be born again sexually Ė and to keep being reborn and kept in a pure state of sexual virginity where every touch and moment is free from contamination.†I love this definition of virginity. Itís not about penis in vagina, itís about the pureness of feeling and the opening afresh every time to touch. Itís this sense of aliveness and anticipation to each and every sexual encounter, and a shame free curiosity to our own bodies that can keep us as eternal virgins. And, it is a practice that we need to spend time exploring every day.

Tips for Reclaiming Your Virginity:

1. Eternal virgins practice conscious sexual activity. They listen to their own inner guidance when making choices around sexual activity.

2. Eternal virgins define themselves according to their own sexual truths and not according to what others want us to believe about our bodies and our sexuality.

3. Eternal virgins work at letting go of outside “contaminating” thoughts such as body hatred and sexual shame.

2. Eternal virgins understand that only we can touch our pure natural essence. Our bodies always only belong to ourselves.

Yes, it is possible to be an eternal virgin. I watched a 75-year-old woman become one on my last retreat. It can be reclaimed, and kept forever.

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Elena T.
Elena Poensgen3 years ago

Thank you :)

Emma S.
Emma S.3 years ago

I think it's about being able to draw a line under any bad past experiences, to feel a sense of privacy within one's own body, to feel in control of oneself and one's fate, and to feel a sense of empowerment.

Klara Ertl
Kl√°ra Ertl3 years ago

Thought-provoking article, but I must confess it left me a bit puzzled... some things sound too abstract for me here, too vague. Inner guidance? Aliveness? Pure natural essence? What does it mean?

Danial W.
Past Member 3 years ago

Thanks for sharing this interesting article

Danny G.
Danny G.3 years ago

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Deirdre G.
Deirdre G.3 years ago

I think as women (and men) we need to let go of the restrictions and in particular stereotypes that society puts upon us. that is the problem which leads to guilt, shame, and feeling inferior.

Paul Carter
Paul Carter3 years ago

You are who you are, your past is your past, it may leave scars and some don't heal; but that you can not change. What you can change is your future, Embrace the you that is the sum of your experience, learn from it and seek to improve yourself in any way you want or can.
As for virginity I remember an old cavalry story about a young trooper telling the sergeant he had never ridden a horse and being told "ok that's your horse, it has never been ridden - you can start together".

Val D.
Val D.3 years ago

Thank you for this super article. Very important for women and all people to feel safe, alive and confident with their sexual experiences. Peace to all survivors regarding this.

Cheryl Mallon-Bond

This society we live in is so over sexualized. Every image EVERYWHERE! Is sexualized it seems. Women today are still so objectified & I think that the only way this is ever going to change is when more young women are mentored at a young age to not both overly obsessed w/ believing that their self-worth revolves around whether or not a man vlaues them based on their looks alone. It is still so prevalent in,our society! Anyone besides me notice that even news women's wardrobe has changwd dramatically! What happened to the more conservative approach!? Now they all have to wear tight tops, tight dresses. Etc. This is making it really difficult for the less than "model type" figure to make it into news broadcasting! Notice how more & more women have to be model like pretty! It is really getting rediculous!

Ernie Miller
william Miller3 years ago