I am a firm believer that a fulfilling sex life comes from self-acceptance and self-respect. Sacred sex, or more aptly, sacred love, is the outcome of believing that you are worth the love, attention, and appreciation that another human being will have for you, and of accepting nothing less. By gaining respect for yourself, you learn to avoid relationships where there is little mutual respect and the resulting lack of intimacy—relationships that may have plentiful amounts of sex or none at all. Either way, these sexual relationships may have nothing to do with love, particularly sacred love.
Sacred sex is the result of a tremendous amount of emotional work on oneself and one’s relationship. It is the byproduct of intimacy that begins with how you treat yourself, your partner, and how you are treated in return. Of course, relationships are not always full of bliss. Sometimes, they can be downright hard. But, at their core, there needs to be respect.
This respect begins, first with oneself. When a person truly respects herself, she respects the partner she chooses. When she respects this partner, she treats him as an equal—in all things from housework to finances, to childcare and love and intimacy. Long before there is sacred sex in the bedroom, there is the foundation of sacred sex in other aspects of life.
A person cannot assume his partner will be ready for lovemaking at the end of a long day when his partner has had the exclusive responsibility for cleaning the house, making meals, and taking care of children. A disparate breakdown of work and responsibilities is not the stuff of loving relationships and mutual respect. It may be commonplace, but is not the basis of sacredness in a relationship. Neither is insulting or belittling a partner, treating him or her as a housekeeper, sex object, trophy, or babysitter.
Sacred sex is also about making a commitment to your partner. I am constantly dumbfounded at the number of men and women who are in serious relationships yet take every opportunity to flirt with or “check out” other people: real or two-dimensional ones in magazines, television, or on the Internet.
Sex is part of a healthy relationship, not the replacement for one. Sacred sex has little to do with the actual act of having sex and a whole lot more to do with physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy, commitment, love, and respect that may or may not result in physical lovemaking. When a relationship has all these components, the expression of such powerful and beautiful love will most likely result in sacred sex—the physical, emotional and spiritual kind.
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