I long to have a sincere relationship with that primal part of myself, that which Estés calls the Wild Woman. I’ve only encountered her in a handful of rather extraordinary moments throughout my life but I can feel that finding a way to align with that energy regularly, to bring forth the spirit of the Wild Woman, is an essential part of my healing.
Within the first few pages, I found the excerpt that follows. I felt both stunned–that someone I’ve never met could so accurately describe this longing–and deeply affirmed–that my intuition was right about what I needed in order to continue healing.
What are some of the feeling-toned symptoms of a disrupted relationship with the wildish force in the psyche? To chronically feel, think, or act in any of the following ways is to have a partially severed or lost entirely the relationship with the deep intellectual psyche. Using women’s language exclusively, these are: feeling extraordinarily dry, fatigued, frail, depressed, confused, gagged, muzzled, unaroused. Feeling frightened, halt or weak, without inspiration, without animation, without soulfulness, without meaning, shame-bearing, chronically fuming, volatile, stuck, uncreative, compressed, crazed.
Feeling powerless, chronically doubtful, shaky, blocked, unable to follow through, giving one’s creative life over to others, life-sapping choices in mates, work or friendships, suffering to live outside one’s own cycles, overprotective of self, inert, uncertain, faltering, inability to pace oneself or set limits.
Not insistent on one’s own tempo, to be self-conscious, to be away from one’s God or Gods, to be separated from one’s revification, drawn far into domesticity, intellectualism, work, or inertia because that is the safest place for one who has lost her instincts.
To fear to venture by oneself or to reveal oneself, fear to seek mentor, mother, father, fear to set out one’s imperfect work before it is an opus, fear one will run on, run out, run down, cringing before authorers, loss of energy before creative projects, wincing, humiliation, angst, numbness, anxiety.
Afraid to bite back when there is nothing else left to do, afraid to try the new, fear to stand up to, afraid to speak up, speak against, sick stomach, butterflies, sour stomach, cut in the middle, strangled, becoming conciliatory or nice too easily, revenge.
Afraid to stop, afraid to act, repeatedly counting to three and not beginning, superiority complex, ambivalence, and yet otherwise fully capable, fully functioning. These severances are a disease not of an era or a century, but become an epidemic anywhere and anytime women are captured, anytime the wildish nature has become entrapped.