One of the last statements I made in the previous article was, the relationship you are seeking, is seeking you. In order to catch up to where we are in this series, it is a good idea to read the first three pieces. This is Part 4 of Break the Dysfunctional Dating Cycle & Find Love. Click here to read the previous articles.
As we begin to break our own patterns and behaviors in order to get into a healthy relationship we need to think about the previous statement. This concept came to me during one of the many hours I sat journaling, meditating and praying about what it would take for me to get unstuck. I love this idea and urge you to ponder it, throw it up in the air, remember this, pray about it, feel good and uplifted by this and stay open.
The Relationship You are Seeking, is Seeking You!
We forget that just as much as we might desire to have a healthy monogamous relationship with a partner that has all the qualities we want, the person we are seeking, is seeking us too. They want you in their life, just as much as you want them in your life. This concept illuminated the dark areas of my belief system that there was no one out there for me. My life partner was out there looking for me too and when I finally understood this, I started praying about it.
I need to go off topic for a moment to explain my thoughts on prayer. In my professional world, I work with bestselling authors such as Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Caroline Myss, don Miguel Ruiz, etc., you get the picture. All my clients are writers in the self-help, personal growth and spiritual arenas. There are many philosophies my clients teach that I know to be true for me and teachings that have helped me grow. Although I work with such wonderful luminaries and understand prayer, I am not going to advocate it as the only way to manifest your partner. I believe action is also required. I am sharing this because prayer is an extraordinarily personal and intimate conversation that you have with whatever energy you choose to believe in, AND throughout my process, prayer did become crucial for me in finding love.
When I realized that my relationship was seeking me too, I began to call out to G-d, my Angels, Archangel Michael and as many romance Angels that walked in the light for support. From the depths of my being, I beckoned on all these spiritual beings to guide me into taking right action to find my partner. I called upon them to help me learn and understand what it was I needed to do in order to grow in the right direction, I asked them to speed up the process in preparing me for my partner and most especially get my partner ready for me. I remember on several occasions wailing to the heavens to clear the way in both of our lives for us to come together NOW!! I prayed to make the both of us ready for one another and how much our souls longed to be loved by each other. It was our calling to be with one another in this lifetime and to please get us both ready for our life paths to be joined at this time.
I believe in all of my heart, that this piece assisted in bringing Jeff and I together. I do not claim to understand it, but this time, praying helped, as did the other exercises mentioned in previous articles.
You will need to do what is right in your own belief system, but even if you simply make the statement to yourself and hold the intention that your partner is seeking you too, this way of seeing the situation is very helpful.
I would like to address two more dating items. If you are reading this series, you are either single and seeking, or in a relationship and unhappy. If you are single and seeking, here is a crucial tip. When you begin dating, do not wait until the third, or fourth date to find out where your date stands in terms of what they are looking for. Find this out no later than the second date. You will want to know right away if they are on the same page that you are in terms of what kind of relationship they are seeking. You are not asking if the person wants a relationship with you at that moment, but you want to know if they are looking just to date someone, if they want to have a “special” friend or if they are looking for someone to create a relationship that will lead to marriage. I would put this right out there when I was dating. I would clearly state, “I am looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage, because I really want to be married, what are you looking for?”
Do not continue to date someone if you are not on the same page. It will lead to heartbreak for one of you. Sometimes you will have people that will tell you that they are seeking a serious relationship, but watch their actions. Remember the old saying….”actions speak louder than words.” When you see a big red flag, stop seeing them. Use your head, do not prolong things.
The other scenario is you are in a relationship that you do not want to be in any more. This is a challenge. I have been here too and it is very difficult to untangle a messy relationship. All I can say is do it with love and kindness to both of you. We think it is the end of the world when we put closure on a relationship when in actuality it can be the beginning of a new life for both of you. If you are not happy, chances are that your partner is not happy either. I would not recommend trying to be friends right away, but give it some time and space. Often times a counselor can help two people untangle themselves from each other and offer ways to assist you both to navigate through the break up.
I think we have covered a lot in this post and look forward to creating love together in part 5.