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Sex and Creativity

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Sex and Creativity

One of my former coaching clients, a single woman who had made a personal commitment to a period of celibacy, reported a… complication, so to speak, on her journey. She said that “the… ahem… uh… well… you know… the extra energy?… has sort of become a challenge.” Basically, without using sex as an outlet for the extra energy, she feels quite distracted by a feeling that we might call “turned on.” Perhaps it is best described as a high? Or a buzzing, sort of elevated feeling?

I thought of stories about athletes refraining from intimacy before the big game, artists who were rumored to be celibate, but there was no time to Google it, so I went with my gut… energy is energy, no matter how you spend it or where it comes from – it’s just like cash… if you don’t blow it at one store, then you can take it with you to the next one. I told her that many of my other clients are frustrated because they don’t have the energy (or time) to spend on all of the things that are important to them. We brainstormed about possible outlets for her “extra energy” and uncovered a desire to do some remodeling in her home, a love of painting, and a brilliant idea for a book that her life perfectly prepared her to write.

Recently, I concluded another client’s first session with a challenge (actually, that’s how all of the sessions end): In the next 7 days, pick up the camera that you laid down almost a year ago, and take some damn pictures. I’m so harsh, right? Okay, not really. Most of my clients will read this and think they’ve been robbed, that the summer heat has turned me soft (like when my mom lets my kids get away with childhood adventures that nearly cost me my life – at her hand – a couple of short decades ago).

For the new client this challenge is about reconnecting with the feeling of being really good at something (breathtakingly good, in fact), and reconnecting with self (creativity takes us directly to self – do not pass go, do not collect $200, at least yet). Perhaps most important, for this client at least, is to re-open the door so that the energy can flood back in. It’s my “treatment” for chronic exhaustion caused by mind-numbing grief and perpetuated by a job where “you do nothing all day.” I say pick up the camera… creativity is the key.

Next: Living extraordinarily is a choice.

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.


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7:45AM PDT on Jun 19, 2011

poorly reaserched article based on personal opinons and forming an argument connecting dots that are really not related.

If you go without sex you feel horny, if you go without food you feel hungry. thats our bodies way of telling us that it needs something specific. But then you let the mind take over and try to over-ride the basic body needs. How far can mental solutions to physical needs prove useful?

6:32AM PDT on Jun 18, 2011

What about those who have a creative job and get stuck? Is the advice still "be creative"?
I'm surprised relationships, work and excercise is put in the same bag as drugs or alcohol.
I gues the author intended to say we can all get addicted to certain things that may prevent us from dedicating time to other stuff.
Unfortunately painting, strolling in the park, reading and going out with friends can become evasion means just as any of those she puts in the "separating from our power" bag.

Life is about balancing (when possible) all the aspects. "Be creative" is no advice to those who are creative around the clock. Just as "take control of your life" is no advice on certain circumstances, as it will only make you feel worse when you face issues you can have no control over.
I'm glad this coaching works for some people. But for a change it would be nice to get some less "easy" advice.

BTW; I team up with Kristy E's post.
I really think assuming sex and creativity can't go together is, to say the least, absurd.

6:01PM PDT on Jun 14, 2011


6:51AM PDT on Jun 14, 2011

Never let you brain rest and your hands will fallow. Creativity is like a plant if you feed it it will grow and flurish. I seem to never slow down work on 5-6 differant projects at a time. some get finished others dont but the journey continues. Oftes you circle the block and pick up a project long left other times it is just a spring board for something better. I have no idea what all this has to do with sex but if you and your partner are happy with other aspects of your life the sex is great!

12:35AM PDT on Jun 13, 2011

Sound advice. How did the clients manage with this advice?

9:52PM PDT on Jun 12, 2011

I write better during periods of grief or involuntary celibacy. The energy of 'normal' life distracts me terribly. Good advice.

6:18PM PDT on Jun 12, 2011

great advice!
thank you!

6:16PM PDT on Jun 12, 2011


3:42PM PDT on Jun 12, 2011

Creative and sex is connected with Freud's idea of the libido, and sexual energy and sensual living and passion are also all connected. Thanks.

1:15PM PDT on Jun 12, 2011

I have always been creative. However, contrary to this article I am more creative when I have a good sex life and a happy relationship. During celibacy (never voluntary) I may have done some writing, more reading (with more time) as well as spent more time on the computer playing games and checking out dating sites. I was not often in the mood for painting, designing or creative cooking. Now that I'm part of a couple again I'm creative every evening, painting pictures, designing etc. He encourages and inspires me.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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