It never fails. I post a blog and someone responds in the comments with something like this: “sex comes naturally. If you need instructions on how to enjoy it, something’s very wrong.” Whenever I read a comment like that, it takes everything I have inside of me not to respond in one long and very loud rant. Sure, the sexual response may be inborn in most of us, just like eating. But we see nutritionists, watch food experts talk on PBS, and we buy books on dieting and nutrition. The same goes for exercise. How many yoga studios and private trainers are there in the world? Isn’t moving our bodies natural? Truly, I could go on and on. So what is it about getting support, education and training for our sex lives that rattles our cage so much?
Is it the urban legend that great lovers are born not made? Or that there is something very broken about us if we feel like we need support around our sexuality?
Here are the facts: We are all born to grope. Just like we are all born to put food in our mouths, chew and swallow. But if you want to become the sexual master of your own being, that may require more effort than waking up aroused! It’s just that most people really don’t know where to turn for education, support and training around their sexuality. Even the words “education” and “sex” together just feels wrong to many people. It’s seem so….teenage!
Seeing a sex therapist can unfortunately feel like something is wrong with you, and learning from pornography where many people get their sexual information is simply a bad idea.
But the fact is that exploring our own sexual nature for many complicated reasons can feel like a big risk. We do need to be sufficiently supported to learn and take on new explorations which can feel to many of us like risk taking on the most intimate of levels. That is why there is a new profession, Sexological Body Work.
It fills a very important gap in adult sexual learning, and is taught by a new crop of sex education professionals called Somatic Sex Educators. I just like to call myself a Sexuality and Intimacy Coach.
I totally understand that you need support in order to take risks. I am a queen risk taker, and I never jump alone.
Anytime we go outside of our own sexual box, we are taking a risk. But without risk, there can be no growth or expansion. And if you don’t get support and try to go on a great big sexual adventure on your own, you might meet up with risk’s kissing cousin – recklessness.
So today, under “Screw Natural Sex: I Want To Be The Sexual Master of My Own Life – Give Me An Advanced Degree,” I would like to let you in on a secret.
Women all over the country are staking a claim on pleasure for health and healing. And guess what? They are getting help. That includes the sex kittens and their older sisters, the sex goddesses. In increasing numbers, women are finding answers in the hands of professional sexual healers. Though it remains a subterranean phenomenon, sexual healing is breaking through the frozen ground of taboo.