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Sexual CPR: 6 Tips For Getting Her Heart Beating

Sexual CPR: 6 Tips For Getting Her Heart Beating

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and for many people it is their once a year attempt at creating some kind of energy around their sexual and romantic love life. After all, there is an actual day to celebrate love, sex and relationship! No matter how sexually asleep your relationship is, Valentine’s Day is a command performance. Now, this blog is for the guys, but ladies – please pass this on to the men in your life! Facebook it, email it, or print it out and put it under his pillow.

Gentlemen, do I have your attention yet? I understand that you may feel out of practice. Your woman may not be putting out a lot of sexual heat, and you might be frightened of being rejected. But press on! It’s Valentine’s Day after all (by the way it really can be any day), and she will be expecting something. It’s a great opening to perform Sexual CPR on your relationship.

First of all, take Dan Savage’s advice that the big romantic dinner comes after the sex. If you have dinner first, all bets are off. You are more likely to go home and sleep rather than anything else.

Tips To Get Her Sexual Heart Beating

As you place a sip of wine in her mouth or a bit of chocolate, tell her that tonight is all about her; that you want her to allow you to give her pleasure; that tonight, she is not to concern herself about “giving back” or doing anything. She may be really resistant to this notion. It is what she is trained to do. Trust me on this one, she wants to receive more than she wants a dozen roses. Insist on this rule for this evening. It is essential if you want your Sexual CPR to work, and the rewards to your pleasure will be endless.

1. Start from the outside perimeters and work your way in! Unlike cardiac CPR, you don’t go right for the main muscle here. Play with all of her favorite places. Is it kissing her neck, playing with her hair? When was the last time you nibbled up her leg to the back of her knee? She has a whole lot of geography to enjoy that is not breasts and genitals. Check them out thoroughly. It will get her sexual engine to start breathing again. Breathing is very important when performing CPR.

2. She wants to be seduced or taken. Which one? Do you know? Perhaps both. Find out and give it to her. For so many woman the act of “being desired” is an orgasm. Think about her as your juicy bone and savor her. Use language, and talk to her about her fantasies. Perhaps pick up a piece of erotica with a fantasy theme that you know turns her on. Read it to her.

3. Ask for directions. Now, I know that is a really hard one for a lot of men. But ask her what feels good. You might even encourage her to make happy noises (if she is quiet) to cheer you on and let you know that you are traveling in the right direction.

4. Slow down. And then slow down some more. It’s not okay to think “I gave her a foot rub, so now I can dive right in to the center of the pie.” Really take your time – CPR can take a while. And it will be so worth it. Remember the more fun she is having on the journey, the more fun you will have. You want her to love this!

5. Think about sensation. When it comes to sex, sensation is the queen. How are you mixing up soft, tickling, hard, and deep? Bring out a new toy! Keep her awake! Remember, this is CPR! You don’t want her to fall back into a coma of the expected!

6. Words of admiration will turn her on. Tell her how beautiful she is. How much you want her. Turn her on between her ears, and everything else will heat up too.

Sexual CPR is about bringing new life into your relationship. Finding a way to flame desire. Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to take out the resuscitation paddles and apply with vigor.

Read more: Love, Recharge Your Life, Sex, , , , , , , , , ,

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Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is an Integrative Life Coach Specializing In Women's Issues: Sexuality, Fertility, Body Image, Wellness and Rejuvenation. Pamela is also author of the best selling memoir Shameless (Rodale, Jan 2011), and founder of The American Fertility Association.Her websites and her daily blog,, are a breakfast essential for reporters, writers and policymakers.


+ add your own
9:52AM PDT on May 19, 2012

Smiles! Smiles! Smiles!

1:09PM PST on Mar 5, 2012

o. m. g.
my bf did all of this and it worked soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7:19PM PST on Mar 1, 2012


6:55AM PST on Feb 26, 2012

1. not all women like the same stuff. a lot of the stuff on here that some women would like, a lot of others won't, and vice versa. 2. your man should already do these things, and should already know what you like. he shouldn't wait till valentines day to try to learn. and 3. it isn't ALWAYS the woman that needs this stuff. in some relationships (like mine) the woman is usually the one that is more sexual and the man needs the help. so this is a very one sided article.

5:52PM PST on Feb 23, 2012

Every man should read this! A lot of men, fortunately, are already all about 'giving' in the bedroom rather than 'taking'. Sometimes, they should be selfish. It can be a big turn-on for some women. But many women also like it if they take their time!

Enjoy, gentlemen, we do this because we love you :)

10:59AM PST on Feb 21, 2012

As a older woman, I decided to enhance my breasts to improve my sexy life with my husband. Not drastic changes like implants or anything arificial, but just a cream to lift and firm them again. This did the trick, within a couple weeks my husband noticed something was different and our sex life is better then ever. I used a gel called triactol serum, check it out if u need a quick lift!


11:50PM PST on Feb 17, 2012

I think the article can be both hetro and LGBTQ.
Just because its addressed about 'her' or 'she', men like all of those things done to them too. So it can be easily interchanged.
In regards to Pamelas second paragraph addressing men. Sometimes you NEED to shout or talk loudly at a man to get or hold his attention.
Thats my experience anyway.

11:09AM PST on Feb 17, 2012

Just because she writes an article aimed at straight men doesn't mean she is homophobic or that she forgets LGBTQ people exist. If you read the introduction under her name it says that she is a "life coach who specialises in women's issues".
Being pissed off at this article is like being pissed off at Zoo or Nuts magazines for producing pin ups exclusively for straight men.

8:35PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

No, this IS a completely heteronormative article. There's nothing wrong with writing an article targeting people who have "hetero" sex, it only becomes problematic when you use language that implies that everyone is straight. And whilst I can't speak for LGBTQ people, I have learned that LGBTQ-friendly spaces/websites are necessarily inclusive. Does inclusive have to mean writing an article for every sexuality whenever you write about sex? No, but it does mean using language that acknowledges the existence of people who aren't straight.

And, Deb, 10% of Care2 users would probably rather read articles about "gay sexual issues". If you look at the polls, only 4% of us are vegan, yet there's probably hundreds of articles giving us life-improving tips. So it's not like making posts that don't appeal to most users is unheard of around here.

5:52AM PST on Feb 14, 2012

Nyack: You are unfortunately in small minority when it comes to articles written to help your love life. I don't think the majority of the Care2 participants are ready to know the details of your gay sexual issues nor do they want to read about them. While it may seem unfair, the fact that you feel free to express yourself should be seen as a strong demonstration of acceptance and tolerance. Don't take offense at every article that doesn't reflect or include your views, in time that may change. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt's famous quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent",. Your participation is appreciated!.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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