Sexual Fantasies & Daydreams: Should You Give In?

Thereís your external sex life that is physical and very real. Then thereís your internal sex life that takes place in your mind. For some, the internal stuff is a vivid realm filled with sexual exploration and imaginative settings, scenarios, and partners. Others barely fantasize at all. Both are normal.

What does it mean when you daydream about sex with a celeb, a colleague, a character from a book, that guy you follow on Twitter, or anyone other than your partner?

It usually means that your mind is supplying sexual satisfaction in an area where you may not be satisfied in real life.

But donít be bummed out. Itís not a sign that your relationship or sex life is lacking! Hereís why: Nobody meets our needs 100% of the time.

You can be madly in love and totally fulfilled on almost every level. Itís just that sometimes, tucked way in the back of your mind, maybe thereís something you yearn to experience that you havenít explored yet.†You can harmlessly play it out in your daydreams and thatís a good thing.

What does it mean whenóduring sexóyou picture yourself with someone other than your partner?

This is also pretty common, especially in long-term relationships. Please donít feel guilty if you occasionally picture yourself doing someone else while youíre doing your partner. It might be what you need to spice things up during a time when youíre distracted, tired, or just not feeling it.

According to†Psychology Today, you should only be concerned when you†have to imagine someone else every time youíre having sex with your S.O. That might indicate unhappiness in your relationship, boredom, anger, or other intimacy issues. A professional therapist can help you sort through those feelings and your relationship.

How can you use fantasies and daydreams to improve your external sex life?

Self has an entire article on what specific sexual fantasies mean (e.g. dungeon sex, orgies, sex with a stranger) and how you can use those fantasies to heat up your sex life†without revealing the private details you dream about. However, Dr. Lisa Levy suggests that†sharing fantasies and desires with a partner can get you both aroused. So if you feel safe disclosing your inner sex life, it could lead to something even more steamy than usual.

And while it might be cool to imagine sex without birth control in your daydreams,†we highly recommend it in real life.


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Emelie H.
Past Member 2 years ago

interesting, thank you!

Claire S.
Claire S.2 years ago

Excuse me while I go find my husband.......

Gyan T.
Gyan T.2 years ago

All sounds perfectly normal.
I picture Teresa w emerging from under the rickety-rackety bridge!

Panchali Yapa
Panchali Yapa2 years ago

Thank you

Panchali Yapa
Panchali Yapa2 years ago

Thank you :)

Aud Nordby
Aud nordby2 years ago

:-) Ty

Eileen Mary P.
Eileen P.2 years ago

How about choosing the fantasies you keep and forgetting the ones that have you questioning yourself?

Val M.
Val M.2 years ago


Elena T.
Elena Poensgen2 years ago

Thank you :)

Katya J.
Katya J.2 years ago

Interesting article, thank you.