Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by people on a spiritual path. I am slow to the rolling cauldron of the New Age. I love it and yet sometimes – parts of it can make my eyes roll back in my head
For instance – for the longest time I thought that “yoga” was a series of twists and pretzel back-bends that were completely beyond me. I only partially understood that the yoga poses which I struggled with were also spiritual, but I never connected yoga with tantra (which apparently is an arm of yoga) or with any kind of mental activity such as meditation.
Yet, there I was at the famous Chopra Center in Southern California seeking enlightenment, and it felt like all of my worlds were finally connecting in a eureka kind of explosion.
It was just before another meditation and sutra lesson, when Deepak Chopra helped it all come together for me when he began to teach us about the second chakra which I always understood to be the chakra of sexuality, fertility, family and creativity. As an Integrative Life Coach who specializes in issues of women – the second chakra was so up my alley! My ears were perked – Deepak had my full attention.
Deepak surprised me, when he began by saying that “spirituality and sexual energy were connected. No life would exist without the other.” While reaching for the gap of silence in the morning meditation that followed, my mind began to think of all of the ways that we could enhance the spiritual aspect of our sexuality. Many people have written about using yoga to increase sexual energy and performance. Some, like a recent blog by the renown yoga teacher Ana Forrest, have written about using yoga to support sexual healing.
So why couldn’t we use affirmations and meditations to also bring us to a new level and ease in our relationship to our sexuality and pleasure? Why couldn’t we have enlightened sex?
Taking it even further, why couldn’t we apply The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success to support people in having more connected, healing, and pleasurable sexual experiences? What if we could turn sexual desire into pure potentiality instead of making it focused on climax or even baby making?
I have written extensively on what I call the “Organic Orgasm” or “Slow Sex” where I encourage people to let go of their absolute need for climax in every sexual experience. Instead I introduce the idea of being less goal oriented in our lovemaking and more pleasure driven.
In essence I realized, that I was bringing in what Deepak Chopra calls “The Law of Detachment” into the bedroom and into our sexuality. Who knew? I didn’t until I heard Deepak explain “The Law of Detachment“ from The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success to a room of over 300 avid learners. Now, I doubt that Dr. Chopra knew that I was going to take The Law of Detachment into the bedroom. But you never know who is listening right?
In the The Law of Detachment, we are asked to let our actions be blissfully free from attachment to outcome. Now how does that relate to sex? Let me enlighten you while I introduce to you the components of The Law of Detachment.
“In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty…in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of possibilities we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.”
So many of us approach our sexuality and lovemaking as a mission with a definite beginning, middle and final outcome. We enter every sexual union with an attachment to achieve a sexual climax (ejaculation for men and clitoral orgasm for women). This attachment is based on a fear and a belief system that if we don’t achieve this outcome that our sexual experience will be lacking. This attachment can cause anxiety, and for some low libido, making us avoid sex.
By holding this attachment to outcome, I would contend that we are missing infinite possibilities in our sexuality if we could only surrender. So why not bring a little enlightenment to your sex life and try applying these simple steps of The Law of Detachment to your next sexual union?
1. Intention: Set your intention – in sexuality it could be to experience expanded pleasure, trying something new, deepening your connection and intimacy with your partner. Throw yourself a wide net.
2. Attention: Put your attention on your body and the body of your partner. Tune into your breath, your desire and touch. Explore the ways that you can heighten your awareness of your body and the body of your partner. Bring into your lovemaking anything that you or your partner may enjoy and turn your attention to the possibility of savoring pleasure and each other. Can you slow things down and really feel your body? How much attention can you offer to your partner? Can you shower each other with total presence?
3. Detachment: Which is really about letting go of attachment to outcome. In this exercise of bringing detachment to sexuality – it could be to let go of our attachment to climax and simply surrender to pleasure and connection where ever it brings us. This could translate into experiencing expanded pleasure in ways that we could never have experienced it, if we had kept our attention on a particular outcome.
According to The Law of Detachment, attachment “comes from poverty consciousness, because attachment is always to symbols.” If we bring this to our sexuality an example could be: “If I have many orgasms or give my partner many orgasms I will be known as a great lover!”
From The Spiritual Spiritual Laws of Success: “Detachment is synonymous with wealth consciousness, because with detachment there is freedom to create.” Now isn’t that the kind of sex life you want? One that is built on the fertile ground of uncertainty where you can create pleasure, joy and connection with an unbounded sense of creativity and freedom? Think of approaching your sexuality with a sense of excitement, and a willingness to go into the mystery. Let go.
Enlightened sex on a spiritual path. Now that is something worth meditating on!