How Do You Choose Between a Man and Cat?

Every Thursday on Catster, singer/songwriter and cat lady extraordinaire Sarah Donner answers a question from readers about their cat issues — in song. This is one such question and answer. If Care2 readers have a question for Sarah, please leave them in the comments below and you might be featured in an upcoming edition of Ask a Cat Lady with Sarah Donner.

Some sample questions include: “Is it OK to trim my cat’s curly whiskers?“, “Can my cat get sunburned?” and “Can my pregnant cat have catnip?”

Catster reader Blu asks: “My boyfriend has been staying with me. My cat, Vixen, whom I’ve had for eight years, isn’t adjusting very well. She hisses, growls, and lunges at him nonstop. He wants me to get rid of her by taking her to a shelter and doesn’t understand my attachment to her. Do you have any advice for me?”

Sarah Says: When I received this e-mail, my heart broke into little kibble pieces. I’m not a therapist, so please take this with a grain of litter. Now, I don’t know everyone’s side of the story or how serious this relationship is, so I’m making a few assumptions here.

Blu, it doesn’t sound like your boyfriend has made much of an effort to win your Vixen’s trust. It takes a lot of time to win the trust of a leery cat, and I’d recommend that your boyfriend try giving her special treats or catnip. Take small steps toward gaining her tolerance. It’s great if Vixen can hang out with your man in the same room without being upset. It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend’s safety is threatened. It does sound like his ego is a little bruised because of the special bond you have with your kitty. Some people just don’t jell with cats, and you can’t force it.

Even if he’s not a cat person, your boyfriend needs to learn to live with your kitty if he values your relationship. An ultimatum is manipulative and unkind, in my opinion. You should sit down and make it very clear how much you love Vixen and that she is part of your family.

If your boyfriend still insists on getting rid of the cat, I say it’s time to rethink who you want to spend your time with. Who knows — your kitty might be trying to tell you something about this guy.

Catster Editor’s Note: When we first posted this video on Catster, the response was pretty wild — check out the comments over here. Most readers were staunchly pro-cat as opposed to pro-man.

And see more of Sarah’s Ask a Cat Lady songs here.

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

1:07AM PDT on Apr 23, 2013

please just dump him,thank you for sharing

April 23
send a green star

Winn A.

2:02PM PDT on Mar 18, 2013

OMG this is a no brainer. If anyone doesn't like your pets they need to go! It doesn't matter if they are male or female.

March 18
send a green star

Debbi R.

3:14PM PST on Mar 4, 2013

OMG! Dump him now!!

March 4
send a green star

Paul G.

3:38AM PST on Feb 27, 2013

If it was up to me, I'd choose the cat!

February 27
send a green star

Sonia M.

4:27AM PST on Feb 11, 2013

The cat of course.I've got two cats,and they arrived first.No boyfriend in this moment, if he cames,he'll adjust or go

February 11
send a green star

Susan D.

1:23AM PST on Feb 1, 2013

How do you choose between a man and a cat? There is no choice, the cat stays and if he is mean or unreasonable about it, the man goes.

Advice from a long married lady: Don't give in on such an important matter and abandon an animal you love just to "have a man." Having no man is better than settling for a dictator. Any man who actually "hates" something is a slave to a destructive emotion and should be avoided like the plague. Any man who makes an ultimatum that a woman must choose between him and anything she loves is also to be avoided like a disease since that may be just the first in a long line of selfish demands. Choose a man who cares enough about you and your feelings to work with you.

My husband was not raised with animals and was neutral about them when we began to date. I am a lifelong cat lover who made it clear that cats were part of the package if he was interested in a long term relationship. He fell in love with my cats at that time, they adored him, so we were soon married. Now, almost 48 years later, he still adores cats just as much as I do and has rescued many throughout the years. Bottom line, pick a good man -- or none at all.

February 1
send a green star

Tamara R P.

12:48PM PST on Jan 30, 2013

I would never give up my dogs and the love we have for anyone. I rescued both, one at 5 wks. and the other from a puppy mill at 12 wks. They are the constant in my life. A bit clingy as they know I'm their world; however this article is a no brainer for any type of pet!! TY for sharing!!

January 30
send a green star

MarÃa D.

3:41PM PST on Jan 29, 2013

lol, this didn't hapend with a cat to me, it hapened with my chihuahua, the guy said he didn't liked him ( this was just plain fair Chiwa hated him as well), for a period of time he never intented to get closer to him and he had been in my life for some years, then he "sugested2 if we moved together if the dog will move with me, then "sugested" he could stay outside or I could find someone to take care of him; so I answered; "who the hell made you to think I want to move in with you?", period. hehehehehe he still wonders why I love my dog so much, and it is simple, my dog hated him but allowed him to be IN the house and never bited him out,so he showed more compassion than him, so no need more explanations.