How Do You Choose Between a Man and Cat?

Every Thursday on Catster, singer/songwriter and cat lady extraordinaire Sarah Donner answers a question from readers about their cat issues — in song. This is one such question and answer. If Care2 readers have a question for Sarah, please leave them in the comments below and you might be featured in an upcoming edition of Ask a Cat Lady with Sarah Donner.

Some sample questions include: “Is it OK to trim my cat’s curly whiskers?“, “Can my cat get sunburned?” and “Can my pregnant cat have catnip?

Catster reader Blu asks: ďMy boyfriend has been staying with me. My cat, Vixen, whom I’ve had for eight years, isn’t adjusting very well. She hisses, growls, and lunges at him nonstop. He wants me to get rid of her by taking her to a shelter and doesn’t understand my attachment to her. Do you have any advice for me?”

Sarah Says: When I received this e-mail, my heart broke into little kibble pieces. Iím not a therapist, so please take this with a grain of litter. Now, I donít know everyoneís side of the story or how serious this relationship is, so Iím making a few assumptions here.

Blu, it doesnít sound like your boyfriend has made much of an effort to win your Vixenís trust. It takes a lot of time to win the trust of a leery cat, and Iíd recommend that your boyfriend try giving her special treats or catnip. Take small steps toward gaining her tolerance. Itís great if Vixen can hang out with your man in the same room without being upset. It doesnít sound like your boyfriendís safety is threatened. It does sound like his ego is a little bruised because of the special bond you have with your kitty. Some people just donít jell with cats, and you canít force it.

Even if heís not a cat person, your boyfriend needs to learn to live with your kitty if he values your relationship. An ultimatum is manipulative and unkind, in my opinion. You should sit down and make it very clear how much you love Vixen and that she is part of your family.

If your boyfriend still insists on getting rid of the cat, I say itís time to rethink who you want to spend your time with. Who knows — your kitty might be trying to tell you something about this guy.

Catster Editor’s Note: When we first posted this video on Catster, the response was pretty wild — check out the comments over here. Most readers were staunchly pro-cat as opposed to pro-man.

And see more of Sarah’s Ask a Cat Lady songs here.

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Carol Johnson
Carol Johnsonabout a year ago


Alvin King
Alvin Kingabout a year ago


Amanda S.
Amanda S.2 years ago

The cat was there first, the man is the invader. I definitely agree, if the cat and the man just can't make nice then he needs to hit the road.
I have a cat that just didn't care for my boyfriend. He'd purposely torment the guy by constantly asking him to let him in and out the front door (the record was 20 times in one hour while the guy tried to sleep!), he'd pee on the guys work clothes, and sleep on top of his head! I thought it was hilarious watching My senior, easygoing Maine Coon own that guy like a boss!
Complaints were futile because My cat is family and has seniority.

.2 years ago

please just dump him,thank you for sharing

Winn Adams
Winn Adams2 years ago

OMG this is a no brainer. If anyone doesn't like your pets they need to go! It doesn't matter if they are male or female.

Debbi Ryan
Deb Ryan2 years ago

OMG! Dump him now!!

Paul Girardin
Paul Girardin2 years ago

If it was up to me, I'd choose the cat!

Sonia Minwer-Barakat Requ

The cat of course.I've got two cats,and they arrived first.No boyfriend in this moment, if he cames,he'll adjust or go

Susan Duncan
Susan Duncan2 years ago

How do you choose between a man and a cat? There is no choice, the cat stays and if he is mean or unreasonable about it, the man goes.

Advice from a long married lady: Don't give in on such an important matter and abandon an animal you love just to "have a man." Having no man is better than settling for a dictator. Any man who actually "hates" something is a slave to a destructive emotion and should be avoided like the plague. Any man who makes an ultimatum that a woman must choose between him and anything she loves is also to be avoided like a disease since that may be just the first in a long line of selfish demands. Choose a man who cares enough about you and your feelings to work with you.

My husband was not raised with animals and was neutral about them when we began to date. I am a lifelong cat lover who made it clear that cats were part of the package if he was interested in a long term relationship. He fell in love with my cats at that time, they adored him, so we were soon married. Now, almost 48 years later, he still adores cats just as much as I do and has rescued many throughout the years. Bottom line, pick a good man -- or none at all.

Tamara r Pearlman

I would never give up my dogs and the love we have for anyone. I rescued both, one at 5 wks. and the other from a puppy mill at 12 wks. They are the constant in my life. A bit clingy as they know I'm their world; however this article is a no brainer for any type of pet!! TY for sharing!!