Stop the Dysfunctional Dating Cycle!

At 47 years old, I was single, in and out of relationships, dating and not happy with the personal relationship part of my life. My professional life was great, and as always, I loved my work. That area of my life has never been a problem, but intimate relationships had always been challenging.

I woke up one morning after yet another failed relationship, emotionally exhausted, and I became determined to figure out how to get into a healthy, monogamous relationship with a man and get married. So many of my friends and family members were married, and if they could figure it out, then I could as well.

I got so tired of always being the “single” guest at weddings, bar/bas mitzvahs, dinner parties, you name it. I also got very weary of feeling like I was the black sheep in the family, or that everyone, including myself, looked at me as if there was something wrong with me because I had not yet been married. Perhaps it was a projection on my part, but comments like “when are you going to get married?” or when I would go on a date with a man and hear in a very incredulous tone, “you mean you have never been married or engaged?” This of course did not help matters and only perpetuated my own insecurities around this issue.

I finally made up my mind and became absolutely determined to figure out how to get into a healthy relationship and get married. It felt like something crucial that I had to do with my life. I remember talking with my friend Brette on one of the many occasions that we spent processing our current love life situation, and she said to me, “I want a relationship that is excellent, nothing mediocre, but truly excellent,” and I said, “but what if that doesn’t happen for us?” and Brette responded “Wouldn’t that be a cruel joke from the Universe for us to have such a deep soul desire to find our life partners and it didn’t happen?” she continued, “Liz, I just don’t think we would have such a deep soul desire and not have it manifest.” I reluctantly agreed.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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Jenny S.

12:28PM PST on Jan 1, 2011

Congratulations! :)

send a green star

Debra G.

9:45AM PST on Dec 28, 2010

You advice is very sound- but what about those of us who are not, "whole"? don't they deserve to have relationships? I suffer from chronic mental illness. Should I wail until I am "well enough" to find a mate? I don't think so... I have a relationship right now, and although we have a lot of differences and some problems and sometimes might even be what others might term "toxic" for each other, we have kept chugging along for six years now and have no desire to find anyone else. We have even sought other mates, but have returned to each other, not out of desperation, but out of love and respect for each other. Plus we both have a long history together, and that counts. Nothing is going to be perfect!

Jamie M.

9:18AM PST on Dec 28, 2010

Proof that you reap what you sew. If you believe you can, you will. If you believe you can't or there isn't...then you'll get that instead.

Many blessings to you and your future!

Mele R.

5:49PM PST on Dec 26, 2010

While I fully support one woman's quest for the "right man," I still think the idea of one person as the ultimate is a bit fairy-tale. But that's just me.

Michelle T.

5:16PM PST on Dec 26, 2010

I am looking forward to reading all of the segments to this blog. Congrats on finding your true love!

Intz W.

3:27PM PST on Nov 8, 2010

good story and advice

Beverly L.

6:54AM PDT on Oct 29, 2010

Wonderful story ~ thank you for sharing! I'm a loser magnet, always ending up in another bad relationship and I'm tired of it. At least you've given me hope that maybe someday I'll find a good man to spend the rest of my life with.

Sheri M.

9:15AM PDT on Oct 6, 2010

Enjoyed this!

Ruth R.

1:30AM PDT on Sep 22, 2010

Congratulations! and Thank You for sharing an interesting story.

10:54AM PDT on Aug 24, 2010

Good for you. I'm looking forward to reading what you did.