At 47 years old, I was single, in and out of relationships, dating and not happy with the personal relationship part of my life. My professional life was great, and as always, I loved my work. That area of my life has never been a problem, but intimate relationships had always been challenging.
I woke up one morning after yet another failed relationship, emotionally exhausted, and I became determined to figure out how to get into a healthy, monogamous relationship with a man and get married. So many of my friends and family members were married, and if they could figure it out, then I could as well.
I got so tired of always being the “single” guest at weddings, bar/bas mitzvahs, dinner parties, you name it. I also got very weary of feeling like I was the black sheep in the family, or that everyone, including myself, looked at me as if there was something wrong with me because I had not yet been married. Perhaps it was a projection on my part, but comments like “when are you going to get married?” or when I would go on a date with a man and hear in a very incredulous tone, “you mean you have never been married or engaged?” This of course did not help matters and only perpetuated my own insecurities around this issue.
I finally made up my mind and became absolutely determined to figure out how to get into a healthy relationship and get married. It felt like something crucial that I had to do with my life. I remember talking with my friend Brette on one of the many occasions that we spent processing our current love life situation, and she said to me, “I want a relationship that is excellent, nothing mediocre, but truly excellent,” and I said, “but what if that doesn’t happen for us?” and Brette responded “Wouldn’t that be a cruel joke from the Universe for us to have such a deep soul desire to find our life partners and it didn’t happen?” she continued, “Liz, I just don’t think we would have such a deep soul desire and not have it manifest.” I reluctantly agreed.