Suppressing Passion

People who have cut themselves off from passion have switched their allegiance to something else almost as strong. Because the flow of life won’t be stopped, a counterforce must be called in to oppose it–the counterforce of fear. Fear of life is extremely common whenever someone complains of ennui.

Fear at any level of the psyche makes it much more difficult to trust that passion is safe. If my wife criticizes me, a warning voice that I hardly notice will sap my desire for her. If my husband dislikes the way I keep house, I will feel inhibition about fully expressing my sexual needs. Thus existential issues are activated by everyday obstacles.

In relationships where two people have allowed the underground war between fear and desire to go on too long, suppressing passion becomes an actual life goal. In fear’s warped value system, getting “too close” seems like a problem instead of the solution. As nature created us it is normal to seek pleasure; a fearful person avoids pain instead.

The reason that falling in love is so passionate is simple: desire is no longer a choice. Romance bursts the dam of inhibition. Its erotic power proves too much for fear and repression to hold back. At the deepest level people never fall in love accidentally. They simply grow tired of living without passion, and having made this unconscious decision they open up once more and allow themselves to receive love.

Without waiting to fall in love, you can rekindle passion by imitating this process. When the passion is gone from a relationship, both partners must be honest in stating that they have desires. The critical step is to eliminate your partner entirely as the cause of the problem and take responsibility for your own feelings.

Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).

51 comments

Ram Reddy
Ram Reddy3 years ago

thanks

Patricia H.
Patricia H.3 years ago

thanks for sharing

Emerald Jordan
Emerald Jordan4 years ago

Hey, Hey, Hey....

Michele Wilkinson

Thank you

Robert O.
Robert O.5 years ago

Very true.

michele s.
Past Member 6 years ago

Intresting. I dont really view passion as being speciffically related to a relationship.
Everything we do..simply living..should be done with passion.

Judith Crofts
Judith C.6 years ago

so true

Julia P.
Julia P.6 years ago

I was in a 10 yr marriage, more dead than alive when I came out of it. That said, I have been happy, full of joy, & just glad to be alive once the shell-shock of an unhappy relationship was over. I am aware that I have a fear of commitment to another relationship, but am committed to my children, my many pets, my neighbors horses, different charities, etc. While there is always hope that I'll eventually meet the right person, I will not disconnect from life. There are many other things to love, and that has been part of my life's journey. Sometimes we just jump from one relationship to the next w/out taking time to figure out issues that keep us in the same vicious cycle.

poepiesnoepie k.
Past Member 6 years ago

Passion is not only a feeling towards a person... it might be your passion can be stirred up by a hobby... liking to do things that is pleasant and useful.. (passion for crafts; pets, household chores; etc) as long as you enjoy what you do and that could not harm any human beings and animals as well then there's no reason for us to stay in a lil corner sad. lonely an depressed... get out of your cocoon and do something useful... always happy and need not worry...

Janice L.
Janice Lawrence6 years ago

I've been without a relationship for 14 years. But I've been passionate about things. For the last five years I've been passionate about healing myself (I had toxic overload as a result of being exposed to mold).