By Noah Garfinkel, Networx
While I do not own a dog myself, I do, from time to time, take care of my best friendís dog. And, I donít mean to brag or anything, but I am really great at it.
The dog and I communicate with great efficiency. While there were a few kinks to work out at first, we have come to an understanding that I will do my best to not forget to take treats with me when I bring her out to do her business (meeting with clients and visiting suppliers. Just kidding. Weíre talking about pee and the other thing).
And, in return for that, she tries her very best not to BARK RIGHT IN MY FACE when she gets a little bored.† Our arrangement is mutually beneficial, and we very much enjoy each otherís company. We are also both huge fans of me replacing the lyrics to John Denverís “Country Roads” with the words, ďYouíre a dog.Ē
The first time I took care of another personís dog, however, I was not quite as adept. The dog, a very friendly Boston terrier named Jones, belonged to my roommate at the time. My roommate was leaving town for a week, and I offered to take care of Jones so she wouldnít have toÖ put him up in a motel? As I said, Iíve never had a dog; I have no idea what the other options are. Either way, she left Jones with me. She and I both just assumed I knew how to take care of a dog. We were both wrong.
Iím pretty sure that I let too much time pass before I took Jones out on our first day alone. As soon as we got out to the concrete stoop, he put his front legs on the second step, leaving his hind legs on the top step. Then, standing at that awkward angle, he preceded to pee directly onto the bottom of his own neck. It was horrifying. It was, however, not as horrifying as if he had not made it out to the steps at all. At least we didn’t have to foot the bill for an NYC flooring contractor to come and replace peed-on floor boards.