Cancer is a scary subject for anyone. But for a parent with cancer, how do you explain it to your child? Sue Glader faced that dilemma when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her son was just one year old. In her beautifully illustrated book, Nowhere Hair, Sue approaches the topic from a child’s point of view. Here, she answers some of our questions about her experience.
What advice would you give parents who are trying to talk to their kids about cancer/illness?
In a country with swine flu mania and hand washing ad campaigns, it’s important to explain that cancer is not a germ that you can catch. Love and hugs and kisses are welcome more than ever. And the other big concept to impart is that a child did not cause his or her parent’s cancer. Refusing to eat vegetables did not cause it. Nor fighting with siblings. Basically, mom or dad’s cancer is not their fault.
Then remember to offer information in small bites. How you present this information to them, and by that I mean how you are appearing and acting as well as what and how much you say, will help lay the foundation for how your kids cope.
How did going through chemotherapy and cancer change your perspective on motherhood?
Cancer and motherhood is a combination that cracks your heart. I had this child that needed me so very desperately. Just like every child needs their mother. The thought that I possibly would not be able to play that role…even now I can barely think about it. I realized that I wanted to be a mother, and focus on him and the things that were important to him. Chemotherapy, and being a bald mother, allowed me to see first hand that children, bless them, are really just curious about everything.
When during your experience with cancer were you inspired to write the book?
When I was all done with the appointments and the treatment and my hair started to grow back in — basically when I felt I was returning back to myself — I was overcome with a need to Do Something to process what just had happened. I am a writer by trade, and the materials I saw to explain cancer to kids were, ahem, scary. Fear does not deserve a place at the table with children. So I was inspired to offer up a story that explained things in as upbeat yet honest a way as possible.
What is the hardest part about going through chemo and cancer?
Not knowing why it came, what you did or did not do to cause it, and whether it will come back.
What can loved ones do or say to help?
The best gift you can give someone who is in the weeds with a cancer diagnosis and young children (even more so than my book) is your ability to just listen. Sometimes there are no words. Just be there. All the way there.
How has your perspective on health changed since your diagnosis?
You hear it often: If you have your health, you have everything. It’s no lie, people. When you can wake each morning without the cloud of illness hanging over your head, that is a gift. So I take care of myself. I eat organic foods, exercise, and try to stay as even-keel as possible as far as stress is concerned. I’ve thrown out stuff with parabens and I read labels like nobody’s business.
What advice would you give to someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer?
You will do this, but attempt to not spend a lot of precious time going down the roads that your mind will attempt to drive down constantly. You have NO IDEA where the cancer journey will lead you, and this is both medically speaking and spiritually speaking. Stay in the moment as much as possible. And plan a really wonderful vacation for when the whole treatment phase is over.