On this day of love, our resident loveologist Wendy Strgar would like to add a little love and spice to your life. In addition to this titillating excerpt on tantric sex from her new book, Love That Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy, Wendy is giving away a gift set from her company, Good Clean Love.
Along with a copy of the book, the kit includes a Lubricant Play Pack and Love Oil Sampler (which each include all three flavors) which will allow you to be ready for whatever mood you and your partner are in. The Edible Body Candy will sweeten any kissable spots you are looking to rediscover.
This set ensures that you will have the tools to take your intimacy to new levels. Check out this excerpt and leave a comment for your chance to win one of these sexy love kits!
Tantra for the Uninitiated
Simon and Emily were busy people. They lived in San Francisco, and in their early thirties were at exciting times in their careers: Their lives were a series of work trips, networking dinners and endless hours at their respective law offices. They had worked hard for their condo, with its blond hardwood floors and view of the marina. They were both competitive, and the same forces that propelled them through the ranks of their law firms also tended to give them an active and aggressive sex life. Neither had a problem reaching orgasm.
But when they had sex Emily (and Simon) each ran their own separate race, each with both eyes on their own separate orgasmic prize. More and more, their lives felt mechanical: the nice home, the hard work, the handsome couple attending events, the sex that was a robust, but almost robotic, release. Then Emily lost her job, and suddenly everything seemed a lot more fragile. The disconnection between them could no longer be covered up with constant activity—Emily needed Simon, and she didn’t feel like they saw eye to eye anymore. In fact, they barely looked at each other.
After reading an article about tantric sex, she suggested it. He thought it sounded interesting and kind of sexy, and so they tried it: no longer could they make love in their own separate worlds of pleasure. Their bodies, and more than that, had to work in unison, picking up subtle hints. They found themselves locking eyes, something they had never done before during sex. Suddenly running the race alone didn’t seem so appealing.
Centuries old, Tantric practices are part of a much larger Hindu/Vedic tradition of which sexuality is only part. The full practice of Tantra is a lifelong spiritual quest that demonstrates the interconnectedness of everything and includes yoga, meditation, and breath work as well as sexual techniques. The Western and more modern interpretation of Tantra has become synonymous with spiritual and sacred sexuality. Tantric books and practices explore and teach techniques that are capable of elevating the participants to a sublime and ecstatic spiritual plane.
Many teachers caution against the confusion associated with “tantric bliss” as a path to intense orgasmic pleasure. In fact, the power of the practices is often the sublimation of orgasmic pleasure toward a rising spiritual energy of divine connection.
I am not an expert or even a devoted student of Tantric practices. I have read some popular titles and seen a few videos that teach the techniques and spent some time researching the topic online. There are more than 500,000 references listed in a Google Search for “Tantric Sex.” Yet even without an exhaustive education, the principles behind Tantric practice can go a long way in deepening the connection you share with your partner.
There are a few simple techniques that I often recommend to customers and clients without even situating them in the context of Tantra, which in fact is where they came from.
Step One: Keep your eyes open. The idea of making love with your eyes open is one of the fundamentals of deep connection in intimacy. It is surprisingly harder to do than you might expect. Move toward this idea as an intention, rather than a rule; you will be amazed as the collection of glimpses that will reshape how you think about your partner and yourself. It is not easy to be seen, even by the people we love. Truly witnessing the act of love is profoundly transformative.
Step Two: Mind Your Breathing. Becoming conscious about your breath is central to all yogic practices and is foundational in Tantra. An easy way to start this is to intentionally count your breaths together. Associating breath and penetration, both shallow and deep, forces you to find a rhythm and timing that you both share. Slowing down with each other and taking a breath with each connection is incredibly exciting.
Combine these two ideas into one of my favorite intimate activities. As described earlier, see if you can get to the finish line together. Again, keep looking into each other’s eyes, and distinguish between deep and shallow penetration. Start with shallow and move toward deep penetration in a rhythm that you both follow. This will require concentration and focus, which alone changes the nature of intimacy. The first round is nine shallow and one deep stroke, each one connected through breath and eye contact. The second round is eight shallow, two deep. The pattern continues and then repeats, if you can—although I have rarely gotten through more than one round.
Imbuing our physical love with intent and attention is the key to transforming love into a force of unity. My first line of products was called Sacred Moments: Even without any formal study of Tantra, I sensed that the closest we can get to the divine is in the act of making love to someone you really love. Have fun.
(And don’t forget to leave a comment to be entered into the Love Kit contest!)
Please email Samantha at firstname.lastname@example.org to claim your new prize. Thanks to everyone who entered!