Making Love Last: Teach Cupid to Change
In January the BBC aired a special called “Love Is the Drug,” which revealed that being in love is physically similar to the buzz of taking drugs, and that it also produces withdrawal symptoms.
Dopamine–the drug released by the brain when it is aroused, and the culprit behind all addictions–has effects on the body and mind similar to cocaine or speed. Only a month earlier, a Dutch researcher reported that brain scans reveal that sex is “akin to heroin” in its effects on the brain.
Cupid’s “love drugs” have been around forever, but now that church and state laws no longer keep us together “until death do us part,” many marriages fall apart: in 2002, the US Census Bureau announced that one out of every two new marriages would likely end in divorce. Have you ever had a wonderful romance go sour soon after a passionate beginning? Despite a persistent longing to stay in love with one partner, we rarely do. Why not? Because we’re programmed to do otherwise.
How are Cupid’s “love drugs” to blame? These married authors tell us what can be done to make love last, and how to teach Cupid to change, right here:
Cupid’s “hot” neurochemicals drive us toward impulsive fertilization behavior. Unfortunately, they also over-stimulate the pleasure/reward center in the primitive brain, which causes our bodies to put the brakes on. When our dopamine levels then drop radically, we feel “off.” We may become irritable, needy, desperately seek more highs, or even suffer severe depression. Worse yet, we often project our subconscious uneasiness onto our partner-resulting in emotional distance. It may take the form of a “one night stand,” or, over time, a sexless marriage or infidelity.
Is there a way to teach Cupid a lesson? Yes. It’s been around thousands of years. Like the ancient Chinese Taoists, we can learn to make love
differently, taking a gradual approach and keeping our “hot” neurochemicals at moderate levels during our intimacy. That way we avoid the intense highs and lows that so often lead to disharmony. The process is not hard, but it is different-and surprisingly enjoyable. Amazingly, this new way of making love naturally counters the addictive drive for hot thrills. It also reduces stress, helps heal addictions, and strengthens monogamous attraction.
Who says we can’t teach an old cherub new tricks?
Find out more at Marnia and Gary’s website, reuniting.
The authors live in Ashland, OR. Marnia is the author of Peace Between the Sheets: Healing with Sexual Relationships (Frog, Ltd.,
2004). Hear her and Gary on “GOOD HEAVENS” internet radio.
Copyright 2004 by Marnia Robinson & Gary Wilson. Reprinted by permission of the authors.
By Marnia Robinson & Gary Wilson.