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The Courage to Change

The Courage to Change

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. — Arnold Bennett

I often hear the voice of the product designer for my company in my head of late. Just over a year ago, he answered an ad I placed on Craigslist for design help. When we sat talking about where I was and what I wanted, he waited for me to finish and looked me in the eye and asked “Can you change, Wendy?” I had to reflect for a moment, because I knew he was asking the question in the largest sense. After a pregnant pause, filled with all that I was afraid to leave behind I said, “yes.”

That yes, and the daily re-affirmation of the yes has brought me to this point; where it seems that life is nothing but change. Tonight our new website that has taken over 6 months and three web guys, looks like it will launch. It is not perfect, but I have given up the idea of perfect in favor of change. You can’t really have both, so don’t let anyone tell you it is possible.

Committing to change is agreeing to the imperfections inherent in the process. It is giving consent to the discomfort that creeps into the small spaces of doubt about the unknown territories that the change will bring you to. I am finding to my surprise that I am attached to things that I didn’t even know I had, until now with the big changes that are reshaping not just the website, but Good Clean Love itself. Letting go of how things were, even if you were the first one to admit how broken they were is harder than I imagined.

It takes courage to change, because the real work of letting go is an inside job. I have been doing this interior work with unflagging attention and intensity for months. The interesting thing is that when it comes to the most essential interior changes, it is not subject to your will. Like forgiveness, in fact perhaps the most internal form of forgiveness, letting go of how you think you are, of how you think things have to be, of how you think life should be for you, is an act of grace. Grace is something that we open our hearts to, and then we wait.

In the process, if we are fortunate, there is a surrender and room to have what has been replaced by what you hope to become. Change happens whether you are open to it or not. It just doesn’t come in with grace.  I can hardly  believe that this marks over 200 days of the positivity quest, which  may well be the most important work I have ever done.

Read more: Guidance, Inspiration, Love, Relationships, Spirit, Wendy's Positivity Quest,

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

51 comments

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7:51PM PST on Feb 13, 2013

When it comes to change, there needs to be more courage to change than the courage it takes to stay the same.

A young man was telling me of his dream. But he shared that he didn't have the courage to follow his dream. I asked him if he had the courage to NOT follow his dream. That got him to thinking!

1:29AM PST on Jan 23, 2013

Thank you :)

1:05AM PST on Dec 6, 2012

It is true that change comes anyway. Why is it so hard for some and not others?

7:45AM PDT on Apr 21, 2012

great insights!

2:07AM PST on Dec 20, 2011

thank you

10:02AM PST on Nov 25, 2011

Thanks for taking the time to write this. A lesson I'm still in the process of learning is that perfectionism is stultifying and anti-life - you have to give yourself permission to make mistakes, and thus change and grow.

5:29AM PDT on Apr 1, 2011

thnx for info

4:33AM PDT on Oct 16, 2010

I'll do it most will not. So many set into their ways unwilling to see any new light at the end of a tunnel.

12:30PM PDT on Sep 29, 2010

For the wages of sin is death (that's karma!) but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 6:23

All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned every one to his own way and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity (karma) of us all. Isaiah 53:6

If we had to pay for every negative karma we ever made, even in 1 lifetime! Remember thought creates. How about even the negative thoughts we have sent into our atmosphere? Even one lifetime of them! How about those of us who believe we have lived many times? Actually, the Bible does not teach either for or against reincarnation. You can research (google) scriptures that indicate reincarnation is real. The Bible teaches release from karma....into everlasting life. No more dying.......

He that overcometh, will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out. Revelation 3:12 How did they overcome? Revelations 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus)
and by the word of their testimony (Bible).

The one who agrees, "Ok, Jesus. I believe that you paid ALL of my karma on the cross. You died for me and you were resurrected for me which proved God accepted your sacrifice for me. I will now live my new life, free of karma, for you. I have passed from death (karma) unto life. My debt is paid in full. I am now free to learn my lessons. Thank you. You show me how to live and I will live for you who died for me." It would be good to call 1-800 NEED HIM for

4:11PM PDT on Sep 8, 2010

Great pix. This is a lesson I learned the hard way but have come to enjoy waiting to see what is going to happen. I am also going to use that question when I am interviewing next.

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