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The Dos & Don’ts Of Using Social Media, Post-Breakup

The Dos & Don’ts Of Using Social Media, Post-Breakup

Who can resist the urge to look at their ex’s Facebook page? Admit it. It calls your name and whispers, “Check me out!” No harm, right?

An astute researcher in England begs to differ. A recent study concluded that the more time you spend on your ex’s Facebook page, the more psychological distress you experience, the greater your desire for your ex and the more difficulty you have moving on.

Admit it. You are not really surprised. That’s because most of us realize that the toxic connections we have with our exes are stoked by talking about, thinking about and looking at stuff about them. While lurking on their Facebook page may not morph itself into stalking, it’s just not healthy.

Here are the rest of my online dos and don’ts:

-Don’t stalk your ex online. Don’t look at his Facebook page and don’t look at his Twitter feed, either. I strongly suggest de-friending your ex and un-following him. Otherwise you’ll wind up seeing posts you shouldn’t see. While you’re at it, de-friend your ex-in-laws and ex-friends as well.

-Don’t post things about your ex online. Posting about your ex online is just asking for trouble. If you want to have a private conversation about your ex with a friend, that’s great. Just don’t use a social media platform for it. Your goal should be to decrease the time you spend ex-watching and ex-bashing … the sooner, the better.

-Don’t “friend” your ex’s new girlfriend on Facebook. This may seem self-evident, but you’d be surprised by how many people fall into this trap.

-Do consider cancelling your Facebook account. Remove yourself from Facebook and similar sites entirely if you know staying away from your ex is going to be really tough for you. I know it sounds radical, but do you really need to know where the high school friends you haven’t seen in umpteen million years got drunk last Saturday night?

-Do use social media to advertise your singledom and meet new people. I’m a big advocate of online dating post-divorce. If you feel like advertising your single status online is somehow unfair or disrespectful to your ex, get over it. You’re completely entitled to move on however you see fit, regardless of the circumstances of the demise of your relationship.

-Do ignore posts you think are about you. Your ex, their friends and family may post things about some unnamed party you believe to be you. It may or may not be you. Even if you’re 100% sure it’s you, don’t bother responding. You’ll feel better taking the high road. Forgiveness is a virtue. Practicing it makes us happy.

Admit it. You know that if you want to feel better and move on with your life, surveilling your ex is not the way to go. Besides, de-friending is empowering.

 

Written by Judith Tutin for YourTango.com.

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

10 Tips To Help You Get Over A Breakup Or Divorce

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50 comments

+ add your own
6:47PM PST on Mar 1, 2014

I had a problem with my boyfriend six months ago,which lead to us apart.
When he broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I fill so empty inside
sorry.Until a friend of mine told me about one of her spells that helped in
same problem too. i email the spells and I told him my problem
and I did what he asked me to briefly make. the long story Before I knew it
what happened,not 48 hours,my friend gave me a call and he
come back to me and told me he was sorry about what was going to happen, I'm so
grateful to these spells and will not stop publishing his name on the internet
just for the good work he has doing.If you need his help,you can email him at
(UNIQUELOVESPELLCENTER@YAHOO.COM)and he will also help youtoDr.TRUST(
UNIQUELOVESPELLCENTER@YAHOO.COM) I will be forever grateful to you.

12:29PM PDT on May 8, 2013

all spot on!

3:43AM PST on Feb 12, 2013

Good advice. And another reason why it's preferable to date computer-illiterate people.

10:21PM PST on Feb 11, 2013

Absolutely right things to do for fresh start up in your life. Cos you deserve to be free in true sense. And moving on will be easier. Thumps up for this article!!

6:31PM PST on Feb 10, 2013

Really good advice. Truth be told, the average person does NOT want you read your drunk ramblings about how horrible your ex is and blah blah blah

9:44AM PST on Feb 6, 2013

I would agree with these pieces of advice. The less you know, the better it is.

9:30AM PST on Feb 4, 2013

thanks!

2:38PM PST on Feb 3, 2013

thanks

4:02AM PST on Feb 3, 2013

thx:))

4:32PM PST on Feb 2, 2013

Thanks

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