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4 Crazy Stories From an OB/GYN

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4 Crazy Stories From an OB/GYN

As a gynecologist who also happens to be more bouncy cheerleader than stuffed shirt, I’m pretty much the beck-and-call girl for most of my girlfriends when it comes to girly parts and the questions you’d only ask your gynecologist if she was your best friend. Which means I also get asked to tell stories at parties, the way I did in “Gyno Guzzling: A Vagina Drinking Game”.

I happen to love vaginas, so my goal is not to be irreverent or make fun of people who have suffered from vaginal misfortune, but it does happen to make for fun dinnertime conversation, as those who have been to my dinner parties can attest. But for those of you who have missed my dinner parties, I wanted to invite you to sit down with a group of friends, pour yourself a glass of wine, and respectfully honor some of the women who have come across my radar in the ten years I practiced gynecology. So here’s a toast. And a warning. This post is not for the faint of heart. To VAGINAS!

You Stole My Labia

One of my patients sued me for stealing her labia. Swear to God. I performed a standard gynecologic procedure, and I swear I didn’t steal any body parts, but a few days after I met her, another doctor called my office and said, “I’ve got this woman here, Mabel Nile. She says you removed her uterus and her bladder and cut off her labia and licked her clitoris, with no anesthesia, right there in your office. But I took a look at her, and all her parts appear to be where they’re supposed to be. What did you do to her, anyway?”

A few days later, I got a letter from Mabel, addressed to “Dr. Rankinstein.” On the outside of the envelope was a child-like drawing of a spiky instrument next to two little rectangular boxes. Written on the envelope in red pen was, “You have something of mine, and I want it back.” Inside, I found a note, handwritten on lined notebook paper with scratchy, halting letters. “You stole my labia. Where did you put them? In the lab?”

A few weeks later, I received a notice that Mabel was suing me for stealing her labia. When I showed up in court, Mabel was already sitting on the other side at the plaintiff’s table. The judge said, “Ms. Nile. Please state your case.”

“That doctor…” She turned and pointed a sausage finger at me. “SHE STOLE MY LABIA!” she yelled, slamming her fists on the podium. “She’s got ‘em in a jar somewhere. In the lab. They’re gone. Wanna see?” She started to pull down her plaid pants. “SHE’S HOLDING THEM HOSTAGE!  I just want my labia! TELL HER TO GIVE ME BACK MY LABIA!” she bellowed. The bailiff stood up beside her, but the judge shook her head. Mabel stared into space, and the judge asked her to take her seat.

The judge shook her head and ruled in my favor. I won my counter-suit for malicious prosecution, and Mabel still owes me $100.

That was many years ago, and I have long since forgiven Mabel. I hope she found help, and most of all, I hope she finally discovered that her labia are right there between her legs, where they’ve been all along.

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Read more: General Health, Gynecology, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex, Women's Health, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Lissa Rankin

Lissa Rankin, MD is a mind-body medicine physician, founder of the Whole Health Medicine Institute training program for physicians and other health care providers, and the New York Times bestselling author of Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself.  She is on a grassroots mission to heal health care, while empowering you to heal yourself.  Lissa blogs at LissaRankin.com and also created two online communities - HealHealthCareNow.com and OwningPink.com. She is also the author of two other books, a professional artist, an amateur ski bum, and an avid hiker. Lissa lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her husband and daughter.

90 comments

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2:12PM PDT on Oct 20, 2011

lol

2:35AM PDT on Jul 23, 2011

Wow -- i'm glad she only had *3*. And she must've been doing *something* weird, right, that just doesn't happen normally..??! Glad you quickly solved that one!
Good stories, and lessons, thx for sharing--- Dr. XTG

2:29AM PDT on Jun 21, 2011

Wow. I have a thing for anything morbid, and these stories defiantly count as such! Still loved reading them, and would be interested in knowing more! Thanks!

12:20PM PDT on Jun 20, 2011

Okay, the last one was truly horrific. Bloody Mary. How the heck did they get there ?! No, actually, keep the answer to yourself, I'm not sure I want to know...lol. But, thanks for sharing anyway !

10:47PM PDT on Jun 15, 2011

I loved the one about the potato!

10:49AM PDT on Jun 11, 2011

thank you.....?! I guess....

5:43PM PDT on Jun 10, 2011

Maggots? How the hell? I though I had problems....

3:17PM PDT on Jun 10, 2011

jeeeez

11:14PM PDT on Jun 8, 2011

WOW. Just... WOW.

9:52PM PDT on Jun 6, 2011

SCARY!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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people are talking

Thank you for the reminder.

hahahaha Awesome!!!! :)

Wonderful treat for both kids and adults....TY

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