He shot his pregnant girlfriend, that bastard. Shot her right in the belly, right where that baby is. Sheís not breathing when the ambulance brings her in. Blood is pouring out of her belly. So you do what it is you do. You put a tube into her lungs, pump air into it. You call for liters of O negative blood so you can fill her veins back up again. You call the operating room, ask them to open it stat. You give orders to the team. You check the babyís heart beat – itís still beating, but not fast enough. Everyone springs into action. You race her to the operating room, slicing clean through her belly, while the heart surgeon slices through her chest because thereís another bullet there. You open her uterus in one clean swipe of the scalpel, and you pull out the blue baby and hand him to the pediatricians who are waiting with the incubator. Her uterus bleeds, pouring blood. You feel a gush of love for this mother and her baby. Your heart opens. You pray. You plead.
Itís not looking good. The monitor flatlines. You start to cry. The cardiac surgeon calls for drugs. Shocks. Youíre trying to take out her uterus so it will stop bleeding but you can only operate so fast. The cardiac surgeon is pumping her heart in his gloved hands. Everyone is watching the monitor except you. Youíre watching that blue baby, who is getting bluer. An hour passes. The cardiac surgeon should have called the code sooner, but the mother was so young nobody wants to quit. Thereís blood everywhere. The operating room looks like a combat zone. Two dozen people stand there, looking at the dead mother, the dead baby. There isnít a dry eye in the room. The cardiac surgeon and you hug, getting blood all over each other. Your heart is in his hands too, cracked wide open and bleeding. You did everything you could. He did too. And it wasnít enough.
You want to ask the surgeon to suture you back up again, so you wonít feel so much when you lose a patient. But you know you canít. Thatís no way to live.
The Serial Heartbreak
He left you for that woman half your age.
She up and died on you, when youíre only 40 and youíve got three kids under the age of five to raise without a mother.
He wonít call you anymore, after you breastfed him and held his hand during rehab.
He doesnít love you anymore.
She cut you out of her will, and thatís not the worst part. She cut you out of her life.
He had sex with you right before ending your 20 year relationship.
Your dog, who is more like your child, got cancer, and you had to hold her while they injected her with the drug that made her heart still.
The Hardest Thing Youíll Ever Do
The hardest thing youíll ever do is keep your heart open in the face of serial heartbreak. Closing off your heart is the easy way out. Itís an understandable defense mechanism. It makes sense. Nobody would blame you.
But it will also make you sick and suck away your joie de vivre.
Life is full of traumas to the heart. Pain is inevitable because love is everywhere, and love hurts. Period.
Love is scary as hell. Love is risky. Love is unsafe. Love isnít for the faint of heart. Love takes courage. Love and fear canít coexist. Love means giving people permission to break your heart – over and over and over.
As new friend and fellow Hay House author Agapi Stassinopoulos writes in†Unbinding The Heart, the secret to living a joyful life full of miracles and love is to keep you heart open, even when it keeps getting hurt.
Every day is a lesson in this most important life class.† Every day is a choice to keep your heart open, even when you feel it slamming shut. Every day is an opportunity to practice the art of letting your heart bleed, to cry, to feel, to ache, to gulp, to let go of your ego, to recognize that being right is overrated, to stop judging, to learn the art of forgiveness, to lay bare your soul, even when it doesnít feel safe, to keep doing it over and over and over again until itís like breathing.
Every day, love is a choice, and itís your to make.
What are you choosing?
With a cracked wide open heart,
Lissa Rankin, MD: Founder of†OwningPink.com,†Pink Medicine Revolutionary,†motivational speaker, and author of†Whatís Up Down There? Questions Youíd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend and Encaustic Art: The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax.
Learn more about†Lissa Rankin here.