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The Help-er

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The Help-er

All signs point to the fact that Iím a helper.

A giver.

The right-hand.

Over the past twenty-five years Iíve taken test after test and read book after book: Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, Linda Goodmanís†Sun Signs, astrology, the color code, you name it, and continually found that Iím the helper. Hell, I was even born on the same day as Mother †Teresa.† Oh, and Mother Teresa is also an INFJ. (Just hammering it home, people.)

Type 2 on the Enneagram: The Helper

According to†this site, ďTwos are warm, emotional people who care a great deal about their personal relationships, devote an enormous amount of energy to them, and who†expect to be appreciated for their efforts. TheyÖ thrive in the helping professionsÖ Helping others makes Twos feel good about themselves; being needed makes them feel important; being selfless, makes Twos feel virtuousÖ Because Twos are generally helping†others meet their needs, they can forget to take care of their own. This can lead to physical burnout, emotional exhaustion and emotional volatility.Ē

Ya think?

Here is how most of the relationships in my lifetime have played out – with friends, families, boyfriends, the post man, the clerk at the gas station, the teenager bagging my groceries, my dogÖ

My Refrain:

What do you need?

Iím here.

Let me get it for you.

I can jump that high. Count on me.

I can cross those level 10 rapids wearing my tattered pea coat and purple galoshes, you just relax. Iíve got this.

HmmmÖ that doesnít feel so good to me but here it is anyway. Take it, Iím yours.

Refrain.

Refrain.

Refrain.

Refrain ad infinitum.

Ah, youíve hurt my feelings but I donít want to inconvenience you or make you feel bad by telling you. Besides, Iím probably just being ridiculous. I want to be sure your feelings arenít hurt. I can handle anything so itís better if I hurt than if you hurt.

Refrain.

Refrain.

I need something. Someone to talk to. Iím suffering. Iím not happy. Iím burnt out. My feelings are crushed. Oh, but Dear God, I canít ask. I would never ask. You need to be a mind reader and know that Iím not doing well. Just like I sense, intuitively, when youíre not doing well. Your intuition should be as developed as mine.

I get nothing. (And yet Iíve asked for nothing.)

Iím hurt.

I withdraw.

Iím done. I sever ties with an x-acto knife and deathly precision.

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Read more: Friendship, Life, Relationships, Spirit, , , , , , , , ,

By Melanie Bates / Artwork by Paul Bond

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29 comments

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6:19PM PST on Nov 21, 2012

:)

11:53AM PST on Nov 19, 2012

Interesting! :)

7:16PM PST on Nov 15, 2012

How hard it is for we humans to find & adhere to balance. If one bowl of ice cream is good, then the whole carton is even better, if one dog is great, how much better to have 2 dogs and a cat too?
I'm a helper, but since I've learned it is bound up in procrastinating on my own issues, I've been seeking a viable balance. After all I was born on the Winter Solstice (not Mother Theresa's b.day) which I take to mean I feel ok about my mortal life, it's my spiritual life that needs encouragmeny. patience and practice

3:52AM PDT on Oct 30, 2012

interesting

9:43PM PDT on Oct 25, 2012

As a helper, two, and fellow ENFJ you are my soul sister. You have described my life like looking into a mirror. No is usually more like, " Let me see how I can do this for you".

As I get older I find I must change or sink. I plan to add 'water noodles' into my life to stay afloat. How is still unknown but I am learning to use no and be very clear when I have needs. I am probably more blunt than needed but practice should help smooth it over time. Here's my wish to you that you find your highlighter soon. Blessings .. Laurie.

5:15PM PDT on Oct 25, 2012

Still laughing at Spirit S.'s comment. Who does these charts?

2:06PM PDT on Oct 25, 2012

Interesting.

12:09PM PDT on Oct 25, 2012

Thanks

2:23AM PDT on Oct 25, 2012

:-)

9:09PM PDT on Oct 24, 2012

Wow Melanie, good for you, good on you and good luck :-)

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