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The Importance of Foreplay

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The Importance of Foreplay


I have been with the same man for a couple of years and have always had some sensitivity with sex. We always use lubricant but even with that product, it still hurts sometimes when he climaxes too soon. The only thing that I know for sure is that when I have an orgasm before penetration, (which sometimes takes some time) I don’t have pain and can sometimes even have another one inside.  Is this normal?

Congratulations! You have hit upon one of the cardinal rules of female sexual pleasure… which is normal  and yet remains relatively unknown. The clitoral orgasm is one of the easiest and most immediate sexual pleasures available to most women. Exploring the many different kinds of  stimulation on this part of the body is both fun and rewarding.

Consider the range of sensations available by mixing up soft, medium or hard pressure, vertical, diagonal or horizontal strokes and  varying degrees of speed.  Learning what feels good and can bring you to climax will not only open the door to understanding your sexual identity and preferences but will improve partnered activities for life.

Having a clitoral orgasm before penetration serves to open and relax all the vaginal and pelvic muscles. While lubrication is an essential aid to enjoying longer and smoother penetration, the preliminary O, gets the internal juices flowing as well.  By that I mean, not only internal moisture, but the imagination and the nervous system gets primed for discovering greater levels of pleasure.

Biologically we now bear witness to this connection as well through the new and updated understanding of the clitoris as an organ.  The orgasmic release at the clitoral tip traces its way down the clitoral roots into the vaginal wall, culminating at the g-spot. It is difficult if not impossible for most women to connect with this internal pleasure center if they have not experienced a preliminary external orgasm first.  As the walls of the vagina soften with pleasure, the actual sensation of penetration changes. 

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Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

144 comments

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11:47AM PDT on Oct 2, 2014

Very important. Truth as it is. Thanks for sharing:)

11:42PM PDT on Jun 5, 2014

I think the problem with the comments is that most people are focused on the end result rather than enjoying the trip and also about it being me me instead of us. This just points out another victim of us thinking we are all individuals with rights but damn everyone else including our partners.

11:14PM PDT on May 7, 2014

ty

9:41PM PDT on Apr 5, 2014

I LOVE the quote! And, Scott, this can make a huge positive difference for lovers of women,
as well as the women themselves. That is important too!

6:32PM PDT on Apr 4, 2014

To much information.

11:32AM PST on Feb 7, 2014

thanks!

7:39PM PST on Jan 16, 2014

Interesting ,as always very interesting.Early teen age boys would love these posts.I could imagine two of them having a discussion about them.

1:47AM PST on Jan 13, 2014

Thank you :)

11:02PM PST on Jan 11, 2014

haha The comments on this story....

Humans amaze me. Sure orgasms are great but the best part of a journey is the... journey. Ahhh the microwave generation.

9:50AM PST on Jan 9, 2014


friv 2 I love the quote. But maybe it's the language, rather than the country. I've noticed that same difference between anglophone Canadian men and francophone Canadian men....

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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