The Importance of Foreplay

I have been with the same man for a couple of years and have always had some sensitivity with sex. We always use lubricant but even with that product, it still hurts sometimes when he climaxes too soon. The only thing that I know for sure is that when I have an orgasm before penetration, (which sometimes takes some time) I don’t have pain and can sometimes even have another one inside. Is this normal?

Congratulations! You have hit upon one of the cardinal rules of female sexual pleasure… which is normal and yet remains relatively unknown. The clitoral orgasm is one of the easiest and most immediate sexual pleasures available to most women. Exploring the many different kinds of stimulation on this part of the body is both fun and rewarding.

Consider the range of sensations available by mixing up soft, medium or hard pressure, vertical, diagonal or horizontal strokes and varying degrees of speed. Learning what feels good and can bring you to climax will not only open the door to understanding your sexual identity and preferences but will improve partnered activities for life.

Having a clitoral orgasm before penetration serves to open and relax all the vaginal and pelvic muscles. While lubrication is an essential aid to enjoying longer and smoother penetration, the preliminary O, gets the internal juices flowing as well. By that I mean, not only internal moisture, but the imagination and the nervous system gets primed for discovering greater levels of pleasure.

Biologically we now bear witness to this connection as well through the new and updated understanding of the clitoris as an organ. The orgasmic release at the clitoral tip traces its way down the clitoral roots into the vaginal wall, culminating at the g-spot. It is difficult if not impossible for most women to connect with this internal pleasure center if they have not experienced a preliminary external orgasm first. As the walls of the vagina soften with pleasure, the actual sensation of penetration changes.

1 of 2

Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Gyan T.

3:17AM PDT on Apr 5, 2013

Good to have this explained so clearly. Thank you.

April 5
send a green star

Danuta W.

2:51AM PDT on Mar 16, 2013

Thanks for the info.

March 16
send a green star

Mecky F.

9:16AM PST on Jan 18, 2012

Nice Sharing. Thank You.

Watch Revenge Season 1 Episode 13 s01e13 Commitment

January 18
send a green star

Deborah L.

1:16AM PST on Nov 15, 2011

When I was younger, in my late 20's & 30's, I could orgasm very easily and even experience multiple, powerful orgasm. Now in my mid 50's & menopausal, the big O tends to be more elusive. i guess I need to do more self cultivation, because my Guy no longer has the stamina I so loved either. ;'{

November 15
send a green star

Cathy N.

8:05AM PST on Nov 14, 2011

~Hmmmm!~Well written article!~I'm glad my guy understands the importance of foreplay~He's had awhile to get to know me, we'll be married 21 yrs. next week~