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The Importance of Foreplay

Applying this rule of cultivating an external clitoral orgasm before penetration has the added benefit of increasing the amount of time a couple spends in intimacy. Statistically a woman is much more likely to orgasm with longer foreplay including both oral sex and manual stimulation and the subsequent intercourse is generally more pleasurable and painless.

I have been talking about this idea for a long time as I have had similar questions from many of  my customers who wonder about pain with intimacy even after application of lubricant. I always ask them if they were ready to be penetrated when they had sex. If you are not really ready to have someone enter you, even the best lubricant in the world may help, but will not prepare you for the deepest connection you share with someone.  That requires some work and letting go inside.

Taking the time to discover and cultivate your own pleasure before penetration is my way of thinking of love hygiene. It also works to even the timing out for many couples. I think it may have been in France when I learned of this technique in the context of a conversation about the difference between French and American men.

I was told, “In America the men say to each other: how far did you get. In France, the men say: how long did she scream…”   Go figure.

Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

143 comments

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11:42PM PDT on Jun 5, 2014

I think the problem with the comments is that most people are focused on the end result rather than enjoying the trip and also about it being me me instead of us. This just points out another victim of us thinking we are all individuals with rights but damn everyone else including our partners.

11:14PM PDT on May 7, 2014

ty

9:41PM PDT on Apr 5, 2014

I LOVE the quote! And, Scott, this can make a huge positive difference for lovers of women,
as well as the women themselves. That is important too!

6:32PM PDT on Apr 4, 2014

To much information.

11:32AM PST on Feb 7, 2014

thanks!

7:39PM PST on Jan 16, 2014

Interesting ,as always very interesting.Early teen age boys would love these posts.I could imagine two of them having a discussion about them.

1:47AM PST on Jan 13, 2014

Thank you :)

11:02PM PST on Jan 11, 2014

haha The comments on this story....

Humans amaze me. Sure orgasms are great but the best part of a journey is the... journey. Ahhh the microwave generation.

9:50AM PST on Jan 9, 2014


friv 2 I love the quote. But maybe it's the language, rather than the country. I've noticed that same difference between anglophone Canadian men and francophone Canadian men....

3:21PM PST on Dec 28, 2013

No petition to sign then... :)

Join care2 they said, make a difference. So who needs the lube then?
What exactly is a Loveologist?



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