The Mysterious O: Lifting the Mystery
“Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions.” –Dr. Carol Queen
Orgasm is a product of a sexually healthy lifestyle and sexual health is derived from positive sexual education. Imagine if we believed that we all had a basic right to sexual health and instead of a shame and fear based explanations of sexuality, which mostly focus on avoiding sexuality, we were all privileged to a comprehensive sexual education which was both non-judgmental and focused on the life enhancing aspects of human sexuality. Imagine if we grew up believing that pleasure was a normal and healthy part of maturing sexuality. The world could not stay the same.
The term sex-positive has been floating around since the early 80’s and developed in response to the anti-porn feminist movement. This idea tried to make a space for respecting and creating healthy sexual identities and relationships. Working to redefine our culture that makes us fearful and ignorant about sexuality – others, and ours is a process of education and intent. It means that going beyond the limited view of “normal” and recognizing our sexual prejudices for what they are, much as one would work toward an awareness of racism, disability-phobia, or other forms of systemic prejudice that influences our judgments and our actions.
Many companies have adopted the term sex-positive to differentiate themselves and to emphasize their belief in providing the products, education and resources to create a healthy sexual society for everyone. In addition to paying attention to the quality of their products, they also normalize the huge range of interests and identity that make up our collective sexuality. They serve as reminders and inspiration for all of us as we continue the steep climb out of the sexual dark ages as governments, including our own, continue to legislate our sexuality and morality.
“Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are…” These words by Anna Freud have yet to be integrated into our sexual education and help us move beyond the compartmentalizing of our sexual selves. Establishing healthy boundaries around our sexuality is different from the prisons we build for ourselves by continuously denying our sexual longings and feeling ashamed about our sexual identities. Unlocking the door between who we are and what we choose for our sex lives is fundamental to building a life that includes intimate pleasure.
School is back in session this week. Take the opportunity to re-educate yourself about what healthy sexuality means to you and decide what you want your children to know about their own sexual development. Build a curriculum for yourself and the people that you love that allow you to expand your ideas about your sexuality and experience pleasure without shame. We are sexual beings, and this instinctive procreative urge has the power to transform all aspects of our health.
Feeling your sexiness in not only your body, but your mind and spirit as well will not only open up your experience in your bedroom, but may also make you feel more beautiful as you walk down the street or even more articulate in a dinner conversation. Allowing your sexuality to penetrate your personality and add color to your daily life will not only enhance the days, but may well bring the power of your whole self into focus. Giving yourself permission to witness and interact with the world through your sexuality is the first step in understanding the depth and connections that live in us between our physical, psychological and spiritual experience of sexual selves.
Wendy Strgar, the owner and founder of Good Clean Love, manufacturer of all natural love and intimacy products. She is a sex educator focusing on “Making Love Sustainable,” a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. She has learned that physical intimacy is an important component of sustaining healthy loving relationships through her own marriage of over 25 years.