The Mysterious O: Lifting the Mystery

“Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions.”  –Dr. Carol Queen

Orgasm is a product of a sexually healthy lifestyle and sexual health is derived from positive sexual education. Imagine if we believed that we all had a basic right to sexual health and instead of a shame and fear based explanations of sexuality, which mostly focus on avoiding sexuality, we were all privileged to a comprehensive sexual education which was both non-judgmental and focused on the life enhancing aspects of human sexuality. Imagine if we grew up believing that pleasure was a normal and healthy part of maturing sexuality. The world could not stay the same.

The term sex-positive has been floating around since the early 80’s and developed in response to the anti-porn feminist movement. This idea tried to make a space for respecting and creating healthy sexual identities and relationships. Working to redefine our culture that makes us fearful and ignorant about sexuality – others, and ours is a process of education and intent. It means that going beyond the limited view of “normal” and recognizing our sexual prejudices for what they are, much as one would work toward an awareness of racism, disability-phobia, or other forms of systemic prejudice that influences our judgments and our actions.

Many companies have adopted the term sex-positive to differentiate themselves and to emphasize their belief in providing the products, education and resources to create a healthy sexual society for everyone. In addition to paying attention to the quality of their products, they also normalize the huge range of interests and identity that make up our collective sexuality. They serve as reminders and inspiration for all of us as we continue the steep climb out of the sexual dark ages as governments, including our own, continue to legislate our sexuality and morality.

“Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are…” These words by Anna Freud have yet to be integrated into our sexual education and help us move beyond the compartmentalizing of our sexual selves. Establishing healthy boundaries around our sexuality is different from the prisons we build for ourselves by continuously denying our sexual longings and feeling ashamed about our sexual identities. Unlocking the door between who we are and what we choose for our sex lives is fundamental to building a life that includes intimate pleasure.

School is back in session this week. Take the opportunity to re-educate yourself about what healthy sexuality means to you and decide what you want your children to know about their own sexual development. Build a curriculum for yourself and the people that you love that allow you to expand your ideas about your sexuality and experience pleasure without shame. We are sexual beings, and this instinctive procreative urge has the power to transform all aspects of our health.

Feeling your sexiness in not only your body, but your mind and spirit as well will not only open up your experience in your bedroom, but may also make you feel more beautiful as you walk down the street or even more articulate in a dinner conversation. Allowing your sexuality to penetrate your personality and add color to your daily life will not only enhance the days, but may well bring the power of your whole self into focus. Giving yourself permission to witness and interact with the world through your sexuality is the first step in understanding the depth and connections that live in us between our physical, psychological and spiritual experience of sexual selves.

Wendy Strgar, the owner and founder of Good Clean Love, manufacturer of all natural love and intimacy products. She is a sex educator focusing on “Making Love Sustainable,” a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. She has learned that physical intimacy is an important component of sustaining healthy loving relationships through her own marriage of over 25 years.

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Elena T.
Elena Poensgen2 years ago

Thank you :)

Heidi M.
Heidi M.4 years ago

Wendy's blogs are always so wonderful, friendly and informative. We do have a right to feel good about ourselves and wanting to feel, well, good. Or even great!

to Teresa Wlosowicz, did you read the title of the article? If this subject is, to you, pornographic or disgusting, why did you read it?

Elaine Robinson
Elaine R.5 years ago

Orgasm natural and nice to reach for both partners

Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W.5 years ago

Why is Care2 so pornographic?

Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W.5 years ago

Ughhhh.... That's really disgusting!

Rebecca Jania

Definitely an interesting article. I hate how people act so secretive about sex and sexuality and orgasms and such. These are all a part of the human experience, and we should all be willing to accept this and talk about it. Imagine how much we would all learn if we were willing to talk about sex in a non-"hush hush" manner.

Claudia L.
Claudia L.5 years ago

interesting thanks

Vural K.
Past Member 6 years ago

Brenda K.
Brenda K.6 years ago

so nice to see something that explains the concept of 'sex-positive' so nicely. I own a store in Canada and we call ourselves a sex-positive store for exactly the reasons described above.

I would suggest being wary of the statement above. It's cut and pasted directly from his website which explains female sexuality in very precise and clinical terms. Women are all different, as this article nicely points out, and we don't all enjoy, or need to strive for, the same types of sexual experiences.

Andrew K.

I was concerned to read in ‘New Scientist’ Issue 2644 Emmanuele Jannini, a researcher from the University of L’Aquila in Italy say that it might be possible soon to test if a woman has a G spot or not using an ultrasound probe, however much this might cost. Jannini goes on to say that those women who suspect they may not have a G spot need not despair. "They can still have a normal orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris."

It does not take vaginal ultrasound to find a G spot, just a plastic speculum bought over the counter at the chemists. G spots come in many different colours and these colours are sometimes mistaken by surgeons as diseased tissue and removed. (Yes there is genital mutilation in the UK.) G spots can be found at the front of the vagina, at the back, one either side, all four positions together, or none at all in which case the whole vagina is more sensitive than ones the ones with G spots to stimulation. When there is four together in a few cases the G spots at the sides of the vagina can be a lot smaller than those at the front and back. Some women do not achieve vaginal orgasm in the experiments and this is due to primary orgasmic dysfunction. A page on a low tech cure for this problem can be seen on my website: