Remember the famous scene from†When Harry Met Sally? †Harry swears that all his girlfriends are having O-O-Orgasms during sex and Sally questions his bravado. She wonders how heís so sure his girlfriends aren’t just faking it. He insists he would know. Sally then delivers an orgasmic performance that made cinematic history.
Oh – oh- oh yeah, baby.
Turns out Sally knew what she was talking about, and way more women fake it than you may think. A survey of almost 6,000 people published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that 85% of dudes said their partners climaxed during their most recent sex act. But psych – only 64% of women reported that they actually got off. Whatís with that?
Why The Orgasm Gap?
Why does this happen? Why are we women giving our partners false encouragement? How many guys do you know who pretend to get off to please a partner? I donít think so. No – if a guy needs more stimulation, heís likely to tell you so (well, and itís likely to be obvious, of course.)
But what about us? Are we so accustomed to pleasing others that weíre not taking responsibility for our own needs? Or is it something else? Are we so tired from doing the dishes, doing the laundry, and doing our lover that weíd just rather get some shut-eye than take the time to get truly turned on?
What’s Up Down There?
When I was on my book tour for†Whatís Up Down There? Questions Youíd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, I fielded anonymous Q&A for women all over the country, and you wouldnít believe how many of the questions were about orgasm!
Here are some examples:
- What does an orgasm feel like?
- How do I know if Iíve had an orgasm?
- My boyfriend is bummed if I donít look like Iím having fun, but sex hurts me. What should I do?
- I donít really know what I like in bed. How can I find out?
What this tells me is that many of us honestly donít know what gives us pleasure. Many of us donít even know what an orgasm IS! And yet we feel pressure from our partners who want to please us – perhaps partly because they really care and maybe in part because it boosts their ego. So what do we do? Apparently, many of us do what Sally did. And most guys canít tell the difference.