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The Righteous Eviction of ‘Should’

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Recovering from that disordered mentality, as you can imagine, required a sustained effort and a significant pool of resources – therapy, 12-step meetings, books, cash money, tears, family, mercy, and friends like you can’t imagine. Literally thousands of lessons and treasures live today, in me, from this transforming experience.

One of my favorite is the clarity-diffusing power of the word “should.” “Should” takes an otherwise simple statement and spreads it out, transforming a solid message into a string of words disconnected from action. Read these examples, then read them again substituting “should” for “will”:

Self-care - I will go to bed, so I can get 8 hours of sleep.

Family - I will leave work by 5, so I can get to my son’s soccer game.

Creativity - Painting helps me feel connected. I will find a class, so I can paint once a month.

Using “will” declares an ACTION. Using “should” doesn’t declare anything, except perhaps the awareness that action would bring you into alignment with your goals (and that you are not, in fact, acting). It’s far more inspiring to declare action instead of declaring awareness that action is required!

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.


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8:44PM PST on Dec 13, 2014

I will put this to the test !! Thanks for the smack in the face :)

3:53PM PST on Dec 12, 2011

Great article! Thanks for sharing!

6:53AM PDT on Sep 16, 2011

You are so right, the power of a word.

8:17PM PDT on May 26, 2011

Great article. When raising my children, foul language was rare around our household. But only one word was totally banned from usage. And that word was the most vile, useless word in the English language. Under no circumstances was anyone ever allowed to say SHOULD.

10:47AM PDT on May 26, 2011

Don't "should" on yourself! It only brings guilt. Try "could" that gives you a choice and gives you an option. If you want, use "will" if that is your choice.

7:21PM PDT on May 25, 2011

Yes - "SHould" is all about an absence of choice and the imposition of an outside will. Well said - thank you :-)

2:22PM PDT on May 25, 2011

My mother was a 'should' person towards me. It was most unpleasant and I swore that I would not be that person with my daughter.

5:12AM PDT on May 25, 2011


3:10AM PDT on May 25, 2011

thanks for sharing

1:19AM PDT on May 25, 2011

Great lesson, thankyou!

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This entire article sounds like a SPAM ad, along with a very poor attempt at humor,along with givin…

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