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The Sister Effect

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The Sister Effect

Having an affectionate sister is good for you.

Young teens who have a sister feel less lonely, unloved, guilty, self-conscious, and fearful. A recent story in USA TODAY reported on a study of siblings by researchers from Brigham Young University. The study found that regardless of age, gender, or age differences, affectionate siblings have positive influences on each other, but that having a sister prevents depression more than having a brother.

Siblings also have twice as much influence than parents when it comes to performing good deeds for others, and it comes as no surprise that hostility between siblings has a negative effect.

That got me to thinking about my own big sister and her influence on me as a young girl.

My sister and I were not particularly close as children. But we were almost always in close proximity. We had to share a bedroom in a home with three brothers, two parents, and one bathroom. You get the picture.

Before we managed to score twin beds, we even had to share a sleep sofa. That kind of forced togetherness would test any sibling relationship, and we had more than our share of hostile moments. Despite the trials and tribulations, our relationship managed to survive.

I couldn’t admit it then, but I secretly appreciated having my big sister so close at night because I was terrified of the dark. Although she feigned indifference, she habitually gave in to my pleadings and put her arm around me in a protective pose until I fell asleep. For some reason, monsters could not penetrate that sisterly embrace.

The funny thing is, these days she says she doesn’t remember holding me as I drifted off to sleep. I suspect that’s because at the time, it was not as important to her as it was to me. She was just doing what big sisters instinctively do — helping out the little pain in the butt who sleeps next to you. The above-referenced study found that, “affectionate siblings have positive influences on each other,” and I think those late-night hugs influenced me a great deal.

Next: Walking in My Sister’s Shoes… Literally

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10:32PM PST on Feb 2, 2014

Best gift from my sister: a tiny book saying that we had proved ourselves helpful in emergencies, and that we could enjoy good times together. We have made art together, spent weekends with each other (no husbands or kids in sight), and even made an international, volunteer trip together.

10:18PM PDT on Mar 19, 2011

Big sisters holding little sisters protectively...is not instinctual...unless it's about breed, and we need to allow for LARGE variations is what big sisters do to little sisters 'per breed'...lol...

But thank you very very much for sharing a positive experience with the lot of us.

I'm glad you have that experience to look back on. Awesomeness! :-)

Blessings,
anu

10:57AM PDT on Sep 20, 2010

jewel s- i have 2 sisters, one 2 and a half years older, one 6 years younger. we're adults now (im 32), and the two of them are best friends, and i have almost no communication with the other 2. that's also heartbreaking. we live w/in 30 miles of eachother.

my best friend sabrina is my sister. she was an only child growing up, but she's the sister i need. you can find what you need as an adult, and appreciate the family you have, for better or for worse.

4:39PM PDT on Sep 17, 2010

I have two brothers and they just could not give a darn. It is hard and I am learning to accept. It is one of the hardest things to accept. I really wish I had a sister growing up but it doesn't guarantee a close bond. I felt like I was mourning the absence of a sister while reading this.

7:49AM PDT on Aug 25, 2010

I am the oldest in my family. My sister is 7 years younger than me. When we were kids, i was just the protective big sister. Now we are best friends. I have always been there for her, and she has always been there for me

6:43PM PDT on Aug 23, 2010

What a wonderful story about sisters! I would have loved to have had a loving relationship with my only sibling, a sister nine years older. I adored her. She never reciprocated. She died near Christmas 2005 and left instructions that no one was to tell me (so I couldn't go to her memorial service)! I have an "unfinished" feeling sometimes and I think I'll talk with someone even though I have handled it pretty well all things considered. It's just that I have FMS plus I had three huge surgeries within 18 months (one was breast cancer) not too long before her end. No one came to me despite my closeness with my nieces and nephews when they were babies to young adults. One niece is nearby and is silent. I miss her (like she was when we were younger).

I hope no one ever has this kind of relationship. All I ever wanted was for her to just love me and accept me as I was. But I know it was not my fault and probably not hers. Emotional and/or mental problems wreak havoc and sometimes we just cannot bridge the canyons between us and our siblings.

3:12PM PDT on Aug 15, 2010

I'm an older sister and a younger sister :)

11:04AM PDT on Aug 15, 2010

Aw, what a nice little article! I love having sisters :)

1:34AM PDT on Aug 14, 2010

My sister got spoiled. I'm probably one of the most protective big sisters of all time.

5:42PM PDT on Aug 13, 2010

This makes me remember my 7 years old sister. She is rather naughty and often says that she doesn't love me. But it's not true. She usually holds my hand when she sleeps. And she can never sleep without me. :)

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