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The Three Steps to Forgiveness
Adapted from The Findhorn Book of Forgiveness, by Michael Dawson (Findhorn Press, 2003).
Something has to die in order for us to begin to know our truths.
–Adrienne Rich
How many of us find our lives poisoned by the inability to forgive?
We know how difficult it is to cultivate inner peace without
forgiveness, and yet many of us find ourselves holding on to anger
and resentment instead.
This simple approach to forgiveness invites us to begin thinking
about the issue in a different way. Find out the three “A’s”
of forgiveness, and begin the process:
1. AWARENESS
What is denied cannot be forgiven.
Awareness of our inner world is as important as awareness of our outer world.
Our egos will fight our attempts to become more aware of our darker sides.
Watch thoughts without judgment–develop a “compassionate witness.”
The ability to watch thinking means we are not our thoughts.
2. ACCEPTANCE
What you resist persists.
Acceptance dissolves guilt.
Acceptance invites healing and change.
Change is feared and can block forgiveness.
3. ASKING FOR HELP
Awareness and acceptance are our responsibility.
A genuine desire for peace invites healing.
Our inner guide completes the forgiveness process and will choose the form forgiveness takes: our job is to surrender to its guidance.
Annie B.
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5 comments
add your comment »THE PRAYER OF ST. FRANCIS
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
For more on St Francis,
and the other patron Saints,
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I am able to forgive, but not to forget, no matter how hard I try the pain persists.
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In my life the process of forgiving has taken a long time to complete, but somehow with age the ability to separate forgiving from forgetting became clearer and eventually I was able to forgive. Great list.
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After I got to old age I started forgiving...I just couldn't help it.
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When I am working with clients who are struggling with forgiveness, sometimes they find a sense of willingness, understanding, and calm when we talk about forgiveness in this way:
To forgive someone for hurting us does not mean we forget what has been done and even more importantly, it does not mean that we are granting permission for them to hurt us again. I like these three A's. I will be passing this onto my clients.
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