Valentine’s Day is almost here, and True Love is on our minds. “True love” encompasses more than just an infatuation or attraction to someone: in fact, many psychologists and healers prefer to call it “conscious love.” But what exactly does this deeper True Love look like?

Here is a list of the important qualities included in a real True Love, a healthy and realistic model that can be a valuable measuring stick for your own relationships. How does yours measure up? Find out, right here:

1. The most important ingredient in true love is individual growth. You will support each other’s dreams and goals and allow room to change and grow.

2. Personal freedom for both people.

3. Good communication on all levels–verbal, energetic, emotional.

4. Individual space.

5. Responsible behavior toward yourself and the other.

6. Personal empowerment.

7. Affinity and friendship.

8. Compatible goals (but not necessarily the same goals).

9. Caring.

10. Bliss (at times).

11. Delight in one another.

12. An ability to say no, and to say yes.

13. Allowing the other to be negative as well as positive.

14. No coercion by either person.

15. The relationship is non-possessive.

16. Each person understands the basis of their attraction.

17. The relationship is based in truth, not fantasy.

18. Both people’s needs are respected.